How Do I Get Over the Regret of Having a Girlfriend and Then Lying to Her?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I was in a haram relationship and lied in Allah’s name about talking to other girls when we weren’t together. Now, the relationship has ended, and I deeply regret the haram relationship and the lies. What should I do?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and pray that you find a way to get out of this. The only way that works is to run to Allah Most High and not from him.
Repent
Your Lord is ready to forgive you for lying in His name if you repent sincerely because Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) emphasized this when he told us, “Allah, Blessed is He and Most High, said: ‘O son of Adam! Verily, as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me, I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me. I would forgive you, and I would not mind. O son of Adam! If you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.’” [Tirmidhi]
I encourage you to follow the tips here:
What Do I Do If I Lied in an Oath to Allah?
Do I Pay Expiation For Lying While Swearing By Allah?
Transform
Please remember that telling this girl that you were talking to other girls was not obligatory. One is very much allowed to conceal their sins in Islam. However, using Allah’s name was wrong. Truly transforming yourself is the only way to change your life around. Leave women, find fulfillment in prayer and dhikr, and start reading about your religion and the life of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). Learn about purifying the soul. Make sincere du`a to Allah Most High to guide and remove the darkness from your life. If you want to truly feel better, converse with your Lord and make him your friend. A woman will never fill that void for you. I encourage you to start that journey.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Have taqwa (fear) of Allah wherever you may be, and follow up a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people.“ [Tirmidhi]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
