What Are the Steps for Raising Children with an Islamic Upbringing?

Answered by Shaykh Khaled al-Kharsa

Question

What are the steps for raising children with an Islamic upbringing?

Answer

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

The steps for raising children with an Islamic upbringing include:

Setting the Example of Honesty

Parents are the child’s primary role models, and they will model their behavior. The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever tells a child, ‘Come here, I will give you something,’ but then does not give it to him, then it is counted as a lie.” [Ahmad]

Abdullah ibn Amir (Allah be pleased with him) narrates: “My mother called me over one day while the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) was sitting in our house. She said, ‘Come, I will give you something.’ He asked her, ‘What did you want to give him?’ She replied, ‘I wanted to give him a date.’ He told her, ‘If you had not given him anything, it would have been recorded against you as a lie.’” [Abu Dawud]

A child is always searching for causes. Abdullah ibn Abu Bakr narrates that he asked his father, “I always hear you say every morning, ‘Allah, give me security in my hearing. Allah, give me security in my seeing. There is nothing worthy of worship but you.’ You repeat it three times when you reach the morning and three times when you reach the evening.” He responded, “My son, I heard the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) supplicating with it, so I desire to emulate his path.” [Abu Dawud]

Choosing the Right Time for Guidance

The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace)  would seize opportune moments during outings, travels, meal times, or moments of illness. For example, the Hadith, where he instructed Ibn Abbas while they were riding on a mount, is a valuable lesson. Abdullah ibn Jaʿfar narrates: “The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) mounted me behind him one day and shared a secret with me that I would never tell anyone else” [Muslim]. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) also visited a Jewish boy while he was ill and called him to Islam.

Fairness and Equal Treatment Among Children

Allah says, “˹Remember˺ when they said ˹to one another˺, ‘Surely Joseph and his brother ˹Benjamin˺ are more beloved to our father than we, even though we are a group of so many. Indeed, our father is clearly mistaken.’” The companion al-Nuʿman ibn Bashir wanted to gift something to his son with the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) as a witness. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to him, “Does it please you for them all to be the same in their duty to you?” And he did not agree to be a witness.