Should I Marry a Man with Children Because I Am Almost 40 Years Old?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I’m almost 40, never married. My family is concerned about my age. They suggested a suitor with two children, but I don’t feel comfortable with this. He’s respectful, but I’m confused and feel pressured to get to know him. I’m doing istikhara but feel lost.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your fears and confusion and I urge you to ask others who have done it and follow your heart after praying your istikhara.
Children
Taking on stepchildren is not an easy task, and you should be prepared if you decide to go ahead with it. You should embrace them, love them, and treat them like your own, even after having your own. Ask yourself if you can do this. Ask others who have done it. Pray for guidance, and give him a fair chance if everything else about him is good. Try to find out why he got divorced. You will have to research this one and then follow your heart. Perhaps meet his children and see how they are. Ask Allah sincerely before dawn to guide you so you don’t break his heart and to show you the right thing to do.
Supplication
You should recite the following supplications for a spouse:
- رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً
“Our Lord! Grant unto us spouses and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]
- رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
“My Lord, I am in need of whatever good you send down to me.” [Quran, 28:24]
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May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
