How to Deal with a Husband Who Is Adamant about Not Having Children?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have been married for 4 years and have always wanted to start a family. My husband said he wanted to wait a few years, so I waited for him. Recently, he has decided he no longer wants any children and is adamant he’ll never change his mind. He is asking me if I can live with this, and if not, we should end our marriage.
He wants us to decide the fate of our marriage now, as he believes it is pointless to continue if we don’t figure this out first. I have tried everything to change his mind, talked in therapy, got his parents involved, etc. Nothing is working. He wants me to decide whether to stay married, knowing he’ll never want kids. Is there a ruling on this?
Answer
I empathize deeply with your pain. Not being able to have children goes against the very fiber of a woman and is contrary to her maternal instinct. You have a right to children; it is potentially sinful for him to deny you this. Please see this excellent answer for more detail.
My Husband Doesn’t Want to Have Kids. What Can I Do?
I honestly cannot tell you how to make such a big decision instantly. You have tried many ways to change his mind, but there might still be more things to try. You could take an extended vacation where your husband won’t be stressed out and can relax. You can enroll in Islamic classes at Seekers with him to change his views about where we come from and why we are here.
You can consider moving to a different area, city, or country to break him out of his comfort zone and assess what he wants. Most importantly, you should befriend couples that are like-minded to you and keep their company. Good, and the religious company is significant when looking to improve yourself.
Please take the above steps; if they don’t work, you might start considering your options. Pray Istikhara for any significant decision and ask Allah to guide you through this. Remember that having children is not essential in a marriage; the most important thing is to be a practicing Muslim couple. Once you have this, you will have baraka in anything you do. Be careful when you make your decision; you don’t want to resent him for the rest of your life but know well that he might change his mind.
May Allah bless your family and give you the best of both worlds.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
