How Can I Stop My Son from Having a Girlfriend?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Can you please advise how to deal with a teen who is in a relationship with a girl in his school? We raised him in a practicing household. We already caught and advised him twice with consequences (by taking his phone for a certain time, setting up parental controls, etc.). The mother has now found that he is still in a relationship even though he promised it was over. Can you please advise the parents on how they should deal with this recurring problem? The boy knows it’s haram, but he keeps lying again and again. What is the best way to deal with their teenage son?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, and I’m sorry that he has chosen this path. I do firmly believe that he can come out of this with du`a, guidance, and love.

First, please see this talk by Hina Khan about two different mothers who learned their sons had girlfriends and how they reacted:

• How Two Moms Dealt with Their Sons’ Secret Girlfriends | Hina Khan-Mukhtar

It is very tough to tell a young adult what to do when he doesn’t want to follow your rules. I advise you to speak to other families who are in similar situations, I advise you to make du`a for him by praying the Prayer of Need, especially before dawn, and speak to him with love, and wisdom. Make him understand the detriment of having such a relationship. Don’t resort to threats, they are not working.

Please see these links as well:

• The Powerful Dua of a Parent

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.