How Can I Set Limits on My Teen Daughter’s Screen Time?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How can I set boundaries on my 17-year-old daughter’s screen use if it is affecting her mental health, responsibilities, and daily well-being?

Answer

Thank you for your question. Many parents and I empathize with this issue, and may Allah give you ease and wisdom in rectifying the problem.

Five Before Five

Teach her that Islam warns about wasting time because it is precious and will never come back. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before your being busy, and your life before your death.” [Nasa’i]

And Allah (Most High) has told us in the Quran,

“Give to close relatives their due, as well as the poor and (needy) travellers. And do not spend wastefully. Surely the wasteful are (like) brothers to the devils. And the Devil is ever ungrateful to his Lord.” [Quran, 17:26-27]

This applies to wasting any blessing.

When she starts to view time differently, she might start seeing her screen time as a problem herself and self-regulate.

Kindness

If you want results, be kind when you speak to her. Start a conversation gently because the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness, and He grants reward for it that He does not grant for harshness.” [Ibn Maja]

Consider taking her out for ice cream, coffee, or dinner to have this conversation; in my experience, kids listen better when you take them out to talk.

Speak from a place of concern, without anger. For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time on your phone, and I’m worried it might be affecting your prayer, productivity, and studies. Let’s talk about how we can work together to find a balance.”

Give her a chance to express her feelings and challenges. She may be using screens to cope with stress, social pressures, or boredom. It will be your job to help her with alternatives and direct her to use dhikr, dua, prayer, reflection and good friends as coping mechanisms instead. Spending time in nature with fresh air is valuable, too.

Boundaries and Alternatives

• Involve her in creating screen time limits and apply them gradually
• Screen time only after chores, homework, and reading the Quran are done
• No screen during dinner
• No screen time after a certain time (wifi can be turned off)
• Use apps, ad blockers, or parental controls on devices
• Designate a common area for charging phones and other devices overnight
• Reduce your own screen time as a mother to show her how to balance technology with real-life responsibilities.

When reducing any child’s screen time, it helps to introduce a new activity, hobby or sport. Consider registering her in a halaqa, mosque activity, social event or volunteering position as well. Introduce her to interesting things at home too, like baking, cooking, reading a book, knitting, art, etc. Do these activities with her so it feels like family time and not like a punishment. Pray together as a family, or even just the two of you, because your bond with her will make this process easier.

Dua

Last but not least, make dua for wisdom and guidance in handling the situation. None of us are perfect, and we live in an age where children are targeted by advertising, social media, and expectations of unrealistic ways of living with skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression, and mental health issues. May Allah guide us all through this modern age.

Please say this supplication daily:

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً

“Our Lord! Bless us with (pious) spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]

أُعِيذُهَا بِكَ وَذُرِّيَّتَهَا مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ

“I seek refuge for her and her offspring in You from the accursed Shaytan.” [Dua of Maryam, mother of Jesus]

رَبِّ ٱجْعَلْنِى مُقِيمَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِى ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَآءِ

“My Lord! Make me and those of my descendants keep up prayer. Our Lord! Accept my prayers.” [Quran, 14:40]

Please see more details here:

• Can You Help Me Function Normally in My Life Again?
• What Are the Best Ways for a Teenager to Spend Her Free Time?
• How Should I Help a Teenager Using Social Media Inappropriately?
• To What Extent Should We Not Waste Time?
• 170- The Blameworthy Trait Of Wasting One’s Time and Its Cure- Shaykh Muhammad Badhib
• Islamic Time Management – Imam Ghazali on Careful Use of Time

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.