How Can I Convince My Husband to Sleep in Our Bedroom?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
How should I handle the situation when my husband chooses to sleep in a separate room due to difficulty sleeping with our crying children, leaving me feeling lonely with two young kids?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward your patience and for wanting to stay connected to your husband. I pray that you find a way to communicate and change his mind without getting angry.
Communicate
The best way to approach your husband is by being vulnerable and honest and telling him that it makes you sad. If you are upset about the decline in intimacy, put on lingerie when the kids are sleeping, and initiate intimacy before he goes to the other room to sleep. A lot of cuddling, talking and catching up can still happen before he heads to bed. If you are upset about the lack of emotional connection, do other things to connect with him during the day. Rest assured that he will return to your room when the kids are older, in sha Allah. You could also lure him back to your room by getting a wonderful new mattress he likes.
Kindness
The key is not to argue. He is wrong to complain to others about you, but don’t let it make you stoop to his level. Be gentle in your approach. Gentleness and tears work much better than yelling and harsh words. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah is gentle and loves gentleness, and He grants reward for it that He does not grant for harshness.” [Ibn Maja]
Patience
Be the best mother and wife that you can be, show patience, and turn to Allah for aid regarding all your problems. We are in a time where we must show gratitude for even having husbands, and we pray that we can all hold to this high standard of the best wife in Islam. It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything about herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.’” [Musnad of Ahmad]
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May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
