Can You Advise How to Get Along with Religious People When They Are So Cold and Exclusive?
Answered by Ustada Shazia Ahmad
Question
I was told to hang out with religious friends because they will help me get close to the deen, and to stay away from bad friends who fight, smoke, and drink. Whenever I hang out with these religious friends, they make me feel left out, and shun me from the group because I’m not cool enough. I have loyalty and good intentions toward them, but they don’t share anything with me or trust me. They treat me like I don’t exist and when I need help, they aren’t around, unless I tell them I stopped praying & and believing in Islam, only then do they worry about me. Other times, they ignore me. I met some non-Muslim friends who smoke, and drink, but when I need help, they are always there and don’t ignore me. I started hating all my religious friends, and Islam because of this. Please help.
Answer
Companionship
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend.” [Abu Dawud]
Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) also said, “The example of a good companion (who sits with you) in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith’s bellows (or furnace); from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows would either burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell thereof.” [Bukhari]
We see from the above prophetic hadith that it is incumbent to keep the company of good friends, people who benefit you, inspire you and don’t harm you. I would argue that both sets of friends are not right for you. You might consider correcting them by advising your religious friends to be nicer and advising your non-religious to be more religious.
Turn to Allah
I urge you to turn to Allah Most High first, in prayer and du`a and ask Him to send you inspiration and the likes of friends who will have all the best qualities that someone could possibly ask for. Answering a du`a like this is easy for Allah. I also urge you to strengthen your faith in the meantime, by making the Quran your best friend. Please take some free courses with us and acquire some of this guiding light that will guide you for the rest of your life, by the grace of Allah.
The end goal is embodying this hadith: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: ‘Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.’” [Muslim]
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[Ustada] Shazia Ahmad
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
