What Should I Say to My 13-Year-Old Who Has Same-Gender Interest?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My son is only 13 and has expressed interest in the same sex and says he is confused.
How can I help him get the confusion out of his head and realize this is haram and not our way of living, without pushing him toward it.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this at your son’s young age, but I am afraid that this issue is becoming more prevalent among Muslims now. May Allah guide you to gently help him understand and change.
Confusion
My guess is that if your son is coming to you about this, he is not confused. He must know exactly what he means, but he is testing your reaction. I don’t think that you need to tell him much. Remind him that it is haram, that same-sex relationships never happened before the time of Prophet Lut, meaning that humans perverted something natural and God-given and that humanity cannot be sustained if this becomes accepted. It is an evil way and destroys families and the delicate balance of nature.
Tips
Your son is on a dangerous path. He may deny it or end up becoming gay himself. I ask that the steps you take be in action, not in words.
- Take him to the mosque daily if you can, or if his father can.
- Bond with him yourself, and just get close to him, like pray together, go out together, eat together, get drinks together. You have to become his best friend.
- Reduce his screen time as much as you can. Being on social media and listening to others’ opinions has an effect, and you must reduce this influence.
- At least half of his reading should be Islamic reading. He should read some Quran daily, even if only a page.
- Bring fun, religious, decent boys into his life.
- Register him in sports
- Don’t give him junk food, and try to give him organic foods. I have heard some say that there are hormones in our foods now that are causing these changes. And Allah knows best.
Turn to Allah
Turn to Allah during this trial, and ask Him to guide you and your son. Supplicate to Him, for He really is the only One who can make him leave this. It is very important right now that you pray, read Quran daily, learn your religion and rely on Him. You must transform yourself if you want him to transform, too.
Please see more tips here:
How Do I Address My Homosexual Feelings?
How Can a Muslim Deal With Homosexual Inclinations?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
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