How Do I Deal with My Heavy Desire for Sex as a Teenager?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am a 16-year-old boy and I really want to have sex no matter what. I can’t get married now and my future career plans won’t allow me to get married.

I pray on time, do all the religious obligations, exercise, study, do hobbies, etc, but it still doesn’t take away my sexual frustration. I can’t marry, can’t fornicate, can’t masturbate. Marriage for sex is wrong. Fasting hasn’t done anything for me.

I want to have sex so badly, and all of this frustration is making me extremely aggressive. I don’t care about anything, I just want sex period. What should I do?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are frustrated but you have to restrain yourself for the sake of God and change your career path.

Restraint

First, although you are frustrated, you should be grateful and pleased that Allah has saved you from sin and that you have not succumbed to a sin that many others have. You have not masturbated, fornicated, or given in to pornography. I feel that Allah loves you, and I feel that your future is bright, ma sha Allah. There is much goodness in that, and if you have been patient until now, you can keep doing it. I believe in you.

Career

Why on earth are you investing in a career that won’t allow you to marry? Are you planning on tempting yourself to death? This is contrary to the sunna, and you must marry when you are able. Make an intention, plan it, and start looking for the right girl when you graduate. Take the prophetic advice and don’t let the Shaytan tell you that this advice doesn’t apply to you. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “Whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a restraint for him.” [Nasa’i]

Help Yourself

In the meantime, you absolutely must stop looking at screens. This is the biggest way to help yourself. Turn off the TV, the cellphone, the iPad, and get the temptations eliminated from your sight. Lower your gaze when you have no control of your environment. Eat less red meat, eat less in general, make lots of supplication for a pious wife, and make dhikr or recite Quran every time these thoughts come to you. If you are protecting your private parts for the sake of Allah, He will aid you and He never burdens anyone without a burden that they can’t carry.

Please see this link as well:
“I’m Married To A Sex Addict” – 5 Tips on Moving Forward

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.