How Can I Solve the Intimacy Problem with My Husband?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I apologize in advance for my honesty but I need to be direct; otherwise, I don’t know how this issue could be solved. My husband doesn’t satisfy me intimately because he doesn’t want to get intimate often. Even when we do it, he doesn’t pay attention to what I like. I have spoken to him about it plenty of times, and I don’t see any evident change. The first time I brought it up, I was so ashamed about what I was asking for, and he didn’t pay attention, denied it, and just went to sleep. That hurt me a lot & my shame just grew more. This matter has been the root of many problems between us, and now the topic is a sensitive one.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, and I pray that you can reach a solution together.

Conjugal Rights

In a weak hadith narrated in Musnad Abu Ya`la, the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) is reported to have said, ‘If any of you has intercourse with his wife, let him be true to her. If he attains his pleasure before her, then he shouldn’t hurry her away until she also attains her pleasure.’ Though the hadith is weak, the meaning is sound, as mentioned by scholars.

Less Talk, More Action

My advice is not to speak about the subject but rather focus on what you can do. Foreplay, for example, starts long before entering the bedroom by doing sweet things for each other and being cheery and playful, this can lead to better intimacy.

Make sure that you are active in the bedroom and research different ways that you can be satisfied by trying something new yourself. For example, a woman can reach climax through certain positions and movements where she is in control and is not depending on him to do it.

You will find excellent advice for the problem in the links below

• My Husband Does Not Satisfy Me During Marital Relations. What Can I Do?
• What Does Islam Say About the Neglect of the Wife’s Sexual Rights?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.