What Should I Do after a Religious Girl Has Conveyed Her Interest in Marriage?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Recently I got a message from a friend that someone wants to get to know me better for marriage. She is a practicing Muslim and memorized the whole Qur’an but more than this, I don’t know. How should I approach the situation and what questions should I ask her? I want someone that will be a good, religious example for my children, has good character, prioritizes Allah above all else, and knows the rights of marriage. I don’t want to make the wrong decision.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for keeping your priorities straight and for choosing your wife according to the Prophet’s advice (Allah bless him and give him peace).

Steps

Try these steps:

• Pray istikhara about pursuing the situation.
• If it’s positive, tell your parents, as they should know if you are considering someone
• Send a message back that you can get to know her with parental approval and supervision
• See her first (face and hands), whether in a picture or in a face-to-face meeting
• Ask around about her, and see if you can find a friend or acquaintance of hers that can vouch for her. Unfortunately, there are many people who don’t let their true selves show, and hide dark things.
• Your father can ask her father for permission for you to call her or meet in person
• After a few meetings with a chaperone or parents, you should have a better idea of how to proceed.
• Ask her the questions that come to you naturally. Ask her what a typical day is like for her, her priorities, where she would like to travel to, how to raise children, their schooling, if she would like to pursue a career, if she wants a luxurious or simple lifestyle… and see if all of this matches with your ideas
• Study her parents because she will end up somewhat like them
• You should continue to pray istikhara throughout, or again at the end when you’ve gathered enough information.

Rely on Allah

Don’t stress about it too much. Follow the Prophet’s advice (Allah bless him and give him peace), throughout this process and constantly ask Allah to guide you. Seek to be respectful, straight to the point, and make an intelligent decision based on what you see and understand. And don’t drag it on too long while you decide, because attachments will form.

By Allah’s grace, you will be successful.

Please see these links as well for excellent tips:
What Should I Look for When Marrying Someone for His “Deen”?
Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
How Do You Know If a Potential Spouse Is Religious?
Can a Man to Look at the Shape of His Potential Spouse’s Body?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.