What Is the Ruling on Being Friends with Someone I’m Attracted to of the Same Gender?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m male and have feelings for a male friend. We are very close and share a lot with each other. I’ve had feelings for years now, and they decreased but are somewhat still present. I don’t act on them to safeguard myself from sin. However, whenever I’m with him it leads to arousal fluid coming out of my front private part, even if I’m just talking to him about the weather. This makes it very hard for me to pray with him etc. What’s the ruling on being friends with him?

Answer

Thank you for your question. Tackling homosexual feelings is not easy, and you deserve all the support that you can get. Allah has truly favored you by blessing you with complete obedience despite your feelings. That must seem like a mountain to climb, and I pray that Allah grants you even more strength until you marry.

Support

Is there a Muslim counselor, upright scholar, trusted friend, or Muslim teacher that you can be open with? Being able to talk about your feelings while not being able to act on them physically is a good first step. You will recognize your own strength, and rest assured that your reward with Allah will be formidable, in sha’ Allah. I fear that if you do not find someone to talk to, your desires might turn into sin, so please seek out someone. You are welcome to ask more questions here.

Staying Away From Boys

It is not haram to be near men, even though you are attracted to them, but it would be wise and better for you to restrict any type of interaction with your friend because it arouses you. You should still pray with him if you are with him, as praying will safeguard you from sin. Just use the bathroom, wash, and make wudu before you pray, before each prayer if necessary. I believe you are strong enough to suppress the feelings and channel them into something positive.

Please remember the reward of your patience: Abu Qatada (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Most High but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” [Ahmad]

Turn to Allah

Pray to Allah that He helps you reconcile these feelings and makes it easy for you to subdue them. I do not want you to marry and then live a life of multiple identities and end up unhappy, adulterous, or even divorced. Express your pain through dua and ask Allah to help you, guide you, and give you the very best outcome. Allah is always there to listen and loves to be asked. No condition is too difficult for Him to change, as long as you want to change it yourself.

The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “When half of the night or two-thirds of it is over. Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: ‘Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues it saying) until it is daybreak.’” [Muslim]

Please see these links as well:

• How Can a Muslim Deal With Homosexual Inclinations?
• How Should I Deal With Being Attracted to the Same Gender and Having Most of My Friends From the Opposite Gender?
• Should I Marry despite My Homosexual Feelings, or Should I Abstain?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.