How Did the Prophet Deal with the Boldness of His Wives?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
It is reported that Zainab (may Allah be pleased with her) was married to the Prophet’s (Allah bless him and give him peace) adopted son, Zaid (may Allah be pleased with him). Zaid eventually divorced her, with one issue being how she spoke to him. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) then married her.
Another example is when ‘Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) and the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) had an argument, and her father, Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him), visited them. When Abu Bakr heard ‘Aisha, he went to hit her, only to be stopped by the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace).
How did the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) deal with Zainab’s (may Allah be pleased with her) and his other wives’ sharp tongues? I wish to learn and apply his method of dealing with his wives.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your intention, but I urge you to speak carefully about the wives of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) in calling their tongues sharp.
Mothers of the Believers
The mothers of the believers were the most virtuous women on the planet, and we must ask about them carefully. They were blessed, wise, pious, exalted in rank, patient, and virtuous, and no one could marry them after the passing of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). They were our role models, and girls must be taught to emulate them.
Allah Most High says in the Quran, “The Prophet is closer to the believers than their own selves, and his wives are their mothers (…).” [Quran, 33:6]
And Allah Most High said, “O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women: if you are mindful (of Allah) (…).” [Quran 33:32]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Sufficient for you among the women of mankind are Maryam bint ‘Imran, Khadija bint Khuwaylid, Fatimah bint Muhammad and Aasiya, the wife of Fir‘awn.” [Tirmidhi]
Patience
The behavior and character of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) was the Quran itself, as his wife ‘Aisha reported. He had nothing but patience, silence, and calmness for his wives. In the case of the following hadith, ‘Aisha responded to Zaynab while the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) stayed silent.
Narrated ‘Urwa from ‘Aisha:
“The wives of Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) were in two groups. One group consisted of ‘Aisha, Hafsa, Safiyya, and Sawda; and the other group consisted of Umm Salama and the other wives of Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace).
The Muslims knew that Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) loved ‘Aisha, so if any of them had a gift and wished to give to Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace), he would delay it, until Allah’s Messenger, (Allah bless him and give him peace), had come to ‘Aisha’s home and then he would send his gift to Allah’s Messenger, (Allah bless him and give him peace), in her home.
The group of Umm Salama discussed the matter together and decided that Umm Salama should request Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) to tell the people to send their gifts to him in whatever wife’s house he was. Umm Salama told Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) of what they had said, but he did not reply.
Then they (those wives) asked Umm Salama about it. She said, ‘He did not say anything to me.’ They asked her to talk to him again. She talked to him again when she met him on her day, but he gave no reply. When they asked her, she replied that he had given no reply. They said to her, ‘Talk to him till he gives you a reply.’
When it was her turn, she talked to him again. He then said to her, ‘Do not hurt me regarding ‘Aisha, as the Divine Inspirations do not come to me on any of the beds except that of ‘Aisha.’ On that, Umm Salama said, ‘I repent to Allah for hurting you.’
Then the group of Umm Salama called Fatima, the daughter of Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace), and sent her to Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) to say to him, ‘Your wives request to treat them and the daughter of Abu Bakr on equal terms.’ Then Fatima conveyed the message to him. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ‘O my daughter! Don’t you love whom I love?’ She replied in the affirmative and returned and told them of the situation.
They requested her to go to him again, but she refused. They then sent Zainab bint Jahsh who went to him and used harsh words saying, ‘Your wives request you to treat them and the daughter of Ibn Abu Quhafa on equal terms.’ On that, she raised her voice and abused ’Aisha to her face so much so that Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) looked at ’Aisha to see whether she would retort.
‘Aisha started replying to Zainab until she silenced her. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), then looked at ‘Aisha and said, ‘She is really the daughter of Abu Bakr.’” [Bukhari]
Accusations
During the most difficult moment in his marriage, when his wife ‘Aisha was accused of adultery, this was his reaction when he went to see her, according to her narration:
“He recited the Shahada and then said, ‘O ‘Aisha! I have been informed such-and-such about you; if you are innocent, then Allah will soon reveal your innocence, and if you have committed a sin, then repent to Allah and ask Him to forgive you, for when a person confesses his sin and asks Allah for forgiveness, Allah accepts his repentance.’
When Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) finished his speech, my tears ceased completely, and there remained not even a single drop of it. I requested my father to reply to Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) on my behalf. My father said, ‘By Allah, I do not know what to say to Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace).’ I said to my mother, ‘Talk to Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) on my behalf.’ She said, ‘By Allah, I do not know what to say to Allah’s Apostle.’
I was a young girl and did not know much about the Quran. I said. ‘I know, by Allah, that you have listened to what people are saying, and that has been planted in your minds, and you have taken it as a truth. Now, if I told you that I am innocent and Allah knows that I am innocent, you would not believe me, and if I confessed to you falsely that I am guilty, and Allah knows that I am innocent, you would believe me. By Allah, I don’t compare my situation with you except to the situation of Joseph’s father, who said—So (for me) patience is most fitting against that which you assert, and it is Allah (Alone) whose help can be sought.’
Then I turned to the other side of my bed, hoping Allah would prove my innocence. By Allah, I never thought that Allah would reveal Divine Inspiration in my case, as I considered myself too inferior to be talked of in the Holy Quran. I had hoped that Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) might have a dream in which Allah would prove my innocence.
By Allah, Allah’s Apostle had not got up and nobody had left the house before the Divine Inspiration came to Allah’s Apostle. So, there overtook him the same state which used to overtake him (when he used to have on being inspired divinely). He was sweating so much so that the drops of the sweat were dropping like pearls though it was a (cold) wintry day.
When that state of Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) was over, he was smiling and the first word he said, ‘‘Aisha! Thank Allah, for Allah has declared your innocence.’ My mother told me to go to Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace). I replied, ‘By Allah, I will not go to him and will not thank but Allah.’ So Allah revealed: ‘Verily! They who spread the slander are a gang among you (…).’ [Quran, 24:11]
When Allah gave the declaration of my Innocence, Abu Bakr, who used to provide for Mistah bin Uthatha for he was his relative, said, ‘By Allah, I will never provide Mistah with anything because of what he said about ‘Aisha.’
But Allah later revealed: ‘And let not those who are good and wealthy among you swear not to help their kinsmen, those in need and those who left their homes in Allah’s Cause. Let them forgive and overlook. Do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? Verily! Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.’ [Quran, 24:22]
After that, Abu Bakr said, ‘Yes! By Allah! I like that Allah should forgive me,’ and resumed helping Mistah, whom he used to help before. Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) also asked Zainab bint Jahsh (i.e., the Prophet’s wife) about me, saying, ‘What do you know and what did you see?’ She replied, ‘O Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace)! I refrain from claiming to hear or to see what I have not heard or seen. By Allah, I know nothing except goodness about ‘Aisha.’ ‘A’isha further added, ‘Zainab was competing with me (in her beauty and the Prophet’s love), yet Allah protected her (from being malicious), for she had piety.’” [Bukhari]
Please see these links for more on his noble character:
Why Is the Prophet’s Character Described as Being Tremendous?
The Importance of Good Character
Four Valuable Practices of the Prophet ﷺ to Implement Today
A Glimpse into the Noble Character of God’s Messenger
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
