How Can I Marry My Secret Boyfriend despite Us Both Being Young?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am 17 years old. When I was in 8th grade, I fell in love with a boy we started dating when I was 16 years old. We talk every day and I love him so much. After a year together, I don’t want to do anything haram but I feel like I already am.

I am scared of Allah but I don’t know what to do. He has never said anything immoral to me, we are very decent to each other. We are far too young to get married, so what should we do?

Answer

Thank you for your question.

Repentance

The first thing that you must do is repent as you have done something illicit and angered Allah Most High. Please desist from seeing him and talking to him immediately and tell him that you most certainly will consider him for marriage when he comes along with a formal proposal with his family. Don’t allow yourself to be used, and don’t let anyone into your heart without a marital contract. You say you are too young to marry, but I believe you are too young to commit sin. Isn’t something halal better than something haram?

Istikhara

Pray istikhara about speaking to your parents about him. Consider not only your feelings but, also the prophetic advice. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim] If it is positive, tell your parents. If not, your only other option is to forget about him completely, and pray istikhara about him when you are at the right age to consider getting married. You must be willing to submit to the guidance that you receive.

Submit

Turn to Allah during this time because it will not be easy to let him go for the sake of Allah, but it will get easier with time. In the end, you will either end up with him or you won’t. This is the truth. Know that you and the person destined for you is the best one for you, whoever that may be. Trust in Allah, and continuously ask Him for submission, guidance, and reliance on Him.

You and Allah

Pray the Prayer of Need and rise before dawn to communicate with your Lord. If you are marrying with the right intention, Allah will facilitate the perfect match for you, even if you have to endure some disappointment first. Prepare yourself by taking a course on Islamic Marriage, and build your relationship with your lord before you get busy with marriage.

Please see the links below for more tips.
How Can I Be With My Cousin After We Have Loved Each Other for Years?
Should I Marry My Boyfriend, or Break Off the Relationship?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.