Do I Need My Mother’s Consent To Marry Whom I Wish?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question:
I am a Muslim girl, aged 27, and intend to marry Hanafi Muslim.
My parents have been divorced for a while, and I’ve been living with my mother.
I learned in the past years that my father is a dangerous man, with concrete proof.
My mother’s wish for me is to marry a rich, handsome man, and I don’t agree.
I would like to know if I need her consent to marry the person I wish?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. You do not need your mother’s consent to marry the man that you want, but you do need your father’s consent.
Motherly rank
If you live with your mother, you want things to be smooth and easy and to try and get her consent. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The parent (mother and father) is the best door to Paradise. You may destroy that door if you wish, or you may protect it.” And, he said, (Allah bless him and give him peace), “Paradise lies beneath the feet of mothers.” [Nasa’i] Considering her lofty rank will put blessings in your decision and make it easier.
Steps
Starting off marriage in difficulty is no way to a happy start. Have her meet him, more than once if needed, and have others speak highly of him around her. Tell her that he will indeed fulfill his obligations toward you and that you don’t want to choose a man for the wrong reasons. Bond with her, spend more time with her, buys her gifts, and pray with her. Let her see that you love her and that nothing will come in the way of that.
Deen
Tell her that the biggest factor that one must view is religion, according to the prophetic advice. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed! “[Bukhari & Muslim] This applies when choosing husbands, as well. Ask Allah to give you what is best for you and your family and your religion. Supplicate to Him before dawn and pray the Prayer of Need and Istikhara.
Please see these tips as well:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/shafii-fiqh/can-mother-force-marry-someone/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/can-i-marry-without-the-consent-of-my-parents/
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
