Am I Justified in Feeling Angry at Not Finding a Suitable Wife Yet?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I feel angry and frustrated at my inability to get married.
I see it as an expiation for past sins. I have a routine of worship that God has facilitated. I’m not angry at God as He owes me nothing. His decree is just. He’s wise and kind.
I’m angry at a situation. I’m angry that suitable women in my milieu are concubines to corporations. By this, I mean they live a high quality of life of travel, eating out with a company subsidized by elite male bosses in exchange for their reducing the cost of labor. Marriage would be a step-down. It feels humiliating being on websites and attending matchmaking events. No one I’ve asked has helped me. Community is a myth. I’m alone. I pray and persevere.
Are these feelings justified?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you have these challenges and I pray that it gets easier for you so that you can complete half of your religion.
Justified?
I understand your frustrations and I appreciate that you know that Allah Most High is just, kind and wise, but I think your feelings are almost justified, not quite. This world is meant to be a challenge and Allah tests everyone differently. It may be that Allah has not tested you in wealth, hunger, reputation, health…. but He is making marriage your test. I urge you to seek patience and do the best you can with your life. Seek to do good every day, as there is much good that you can offer the world. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), told us, “The best of people are those that bring the most benefit to the rest of mankind.” [Daraqutni]
Marriage
As for marriage, my advice to you is to change the type of girls you are looking at. Believe it or not, there are many girls in this world who are not slaves to corporations, who don’t even wish to work. Consider more eastern girls, consider girls from overseas, don’t be picky at all, and continuously ask Allah, without being impatient for an answer.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and say: ‘I supplicated but it was not granted.’” [Muslim]
All in all, continue in what you are doing, and by His grace, you will find what you seek.
Please see these links about the etiquettes of supplication:
The Reality and Etiquettes of Supplication: A Reader
Adab of Dua Series: Introduction and Etiquette
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
