What Should I Do with a Cheating Husband Who Gives Me STDs?
Answered by Ustada Shazia Ahmad
Question
My husband has been sleeping with women since before we got married, I thought he would stop after we got married but he continued. I knew he did it during our marriage, and I have tried every possible way I could, from making him pray on time to asking him to do adhkar (dhikrs) of morning and evening and tahajjud all for him to get closer to Allah and at least be a good man, but still he declines. He has Hepatitis B and was on medication, I also knew that close to our marriage, it was so difficult for me to bear it, for Hepatitis was one of the diseases I feared most. I took the vaccine for 3 months to protect me from that disease which he carries, and now he gave me another STD. What do I do?
Answer
Options
Given that your husband has been unfaithful from the beginning and that he doesn’t fear God, I can’t shake the feeling that you should leave him. He will cheat until the day he dies or is bedridden, and you will continue to suffer from his ungodly presence. Please pray istikhara on this matter, consult family and friends, and if it comes out positive, come up with a financial plan to support yourself and the children. You have valid grounds for divorce.
Make du`a for a pious husband who embodies this hadith: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [Ibn Maja]
If you feel that you should stay, then continue to do as you are doing. Pray, learn your religion, learn Arabic, read the Quran daily, pray tahajjud and keep admonishing him. He may eventually stop. Perhaps this situation is making you closer to God than you ever would have been and that is Allah’s end goal for you. If your istikhara is telling you to stay, really the reasons could be many. Trust in Him, and protect yourself as best as you can. You have a right to refrain from intercourse to prevent another STD.
Rely on Allah
Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “And they are those who endure patiently, seeking their Lord’s pleasure, establish prayer, donate from what We have provided for them—secretly and openly—and respond to evil with good. It is they who will have the ultimate abode: the Gardens of Eternity, which they will enter along with the righteous among their parents, spouses, and descendants. And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, saying, “Peace be upon you for your perseverance. How excellent is the ultimate abode!” [Quran, 13:22-24]
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[Ustada] Shazia Ahmad
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
