How to Handle Conflict between Mother and Wife? – Shaykh Dr. Muhammad Abu Bakr Badhib

What should I do when there is a conflict between my mother and my wife?

In the name of Allah, and all praise is due to Allah, and blessings and peace be upon our master Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah, his Family, his Companions, and those who follow him.

Conflicts between people are a natural occurrence. Allah (Most High) says:

“But they will always (choose to) differ—except those shown mercy by your Lord.” [Quran, 11:118-119]

No one is exempt from disagreements, especially those involving women, whether they are wives or in-laws. The stories and accounts in this regard are endless. No one is immune to emotional reactions or anger except those whom Allah protects and chooses, and they are few.

Knowing this, and understanding that conflicts are inevitable, one must arm oneself with patience and wisdom and learn the ways to navigate through this narrow path that some souls resort to. One must recognize the rights of his mother and the rights of his wife and try to reconcile between them as much as possible without being unjust. There is no doubt that a mother’s rights are significant, and her status is great, as evidenced by numerous religious texts that emphasize her rights and elevate her status. If nothing else, the hadith “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother,” repeated three times, is sufficient to indicate the importance of respecting the mother and giving her the proper place she deserves.

Despite the significant importance of a mother’s rights, a man must be wise and prudent in bridging the gap between his mother and his wife when conflicts arise. He should act in a way that brings happiness and tranquility to his life and soothes the hearts of those around him.

There are a few important points to remember in this regard:

It is natural for a man to have strong emotions towards his wife, and these emotions can sometimes overshadow his other relationships without him realizing it. The mother might feel that her son does not appreciate her as he should. Therefore, a man should show his mother appropriate appreciation and respect, strive for her satisfaction, and express his feelings towards her openly rather than keeping them hidden or suppressed.

This can be done by giving his mother a suitable gift that brings her joy and happiness. Similarly, he should not forget his wife and should give her a gift on a special occasion that makes her happy, following Allah’s command:

“Treat them fairly.” [Quran, 4:19]

This way, he can win their hearts and not lose either of them. Alternatively, going out for a family outing can help relieve psychological pressure.

A man should be fair in listening to both sides and be patient because it is natural for women to want to express their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. He should not be annoyed by this. After the woman has expressed herself, he should respond briefly with some praise and calm the situation. This approach is effective and beneficial.

Both the husband and wife should respect and honor the private relationship that was established between them after marriage, which the Quran calls a “firm commitment.” Allah says:

“And she has taken from you a firm commitment.” [Quran, 4:21]

This covenant requires both parties not to discuss their private matters with others. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) warned against this by saying:

“Among the worst people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is a man who is intimate with his wife, and she with him, and then he spreads her secrets.” [Muslim]

In conclusion, these are some of the methods and solutions recommended by scholars and wise individuals to resolve family conflicts and avoid undesirable situations within families and households. A wise person is aware of himself and avoids falling into pettiness and disgrace. A wise Muslim should elevate himself and his family above such issues.

For additional information, please consult books on the rights of the wife (Huquq al-Zawja) and family jurisprudence (Fiqh al-Usra).

May Allah guide us and be our protector. He is our sufficiency and the best disposer of affairs.

And Allah is the best Guide.
[Shaykh] Dr. Muhammad Abu Bakr Badhib