How Can I Be Sure That the Man I Love Is Right for Me?

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your desire to want to be with the one you love, but you must make an objective decision not based on emotion, and rather based on logic and istikhara.

Choice

Although you love this man, are you certain that he is the right man for you? Is it your emotions speaking, or have you picked this person according to the prophetic advice, which applies to both genders? The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari & Muslim]Istikhara

Pray istikhara about marrying him. If you have already left him once, could it be that Allah was protecting you from making a mistake? Try to be objective and see what he can offer your children and whether he will be a good role model. What are his life’s goals? Does he desire closeness to God? If he is having trouble praying, for example, I would say that you can do much better. It’s not your job to make him religious, rather it’s your job to stay away from illicit relationships, be chaste, and pursue marriage with a religious man.

If your istikhara is positive, you should trust Allah’s guidance and pursue marriage with him, but end the illicit relationship first, and make tawba. If you take this marriage seriously, get on Allah’s good side now before you suck the baraka out of your life, by your own actions. Don’t go near him until the wedding day.

Turn to Allah

The best way to gain closeness to your Lord is to devote yourself to learning Islam and applying it in your life and doing the obligatory actions well. Pray on time, cover correctly and keep away from the haram of everyday life. Prepare yourself by taking a course on marriage, reviewing your personally obligatory knowledge and learning the meaning of the Quran because you must have a basis on which to build your relationship with Allah. Contemplate this hadith on gaining closeness.

Abu Huraira reported God’s messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) as stating that God has said, “If anyone is hostile to a friend of mine, I have declared war against him. No one draws near to me with anything dearer to me than what I have made obligatory for him. If my servant keeps drawing near to me with supererogatory acts I shall love him, and when I love him I shall be his hearing with which he hears, his sight with which he sees, his hand with which he grasps and his foot with which he walks. If he asks from me I shall certainly give him and if he seeks refuge in me I shall certainly give him refuge. I have not hesitated about anything I do as I hesitate about taking the soul of a believer who dislikes death, for I dislike grieving him, but he cannot escape it.” [Bukhari]

Please see the links below for details and for duas that you can recite:
Can Supplication Change Destiny?
Istikhara: The prayer of Seeking Guidance
A Dua to Make Someone My Spouse
Supplication for a Spouse
Is Dua Sufficient for Me to Get Married to a Particular Person?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustada] Shazia Ahmad

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.