Can One Cut Ties with a Narcissistic Friend Who Mistreats Him?
Answered by Ustada Shazia Ahmad
Question
If someone used to stay in touch with a narcissistic friend and was manipulated by him, and that relationship affected his mental health and mood, can he cut ties with him? I saw a video stating that being friends with a narcissist can change the structure of someone’s brain and cause memory loss. I think if one is risking harm to their health, they shouldn’t stay in this situation. What lesson can be taught by Allah in the following situations? 1) If in the past, a person was friends with someone and people mocked them, and their friendship ended. 2)If Allah removed the narcissist from the individual’s life and that person felt disliked and the narcissist barely apologized tried to justify the mistreatment during their friendship.
Answer
Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder is probably one of the most difficult personalities to deal with, along with Bipolar, Borderline Personality disorder and others. It’s defined as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), a need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts … as indicated …. by the following”:
Du`a
Surviving a narcissistic friend
- Accept him for who he is. Take the best, as long as he doesn’t hurt you.
- Reduce interaction if he is too toxic or dangerous. If getting together is harmful, call instead of meeting him
- Keep your expectations realistic and low. Don’t expect a relationship with a narcissistic person to be based on mutuality or reciprocity. Narcissists are selfish and can’t put your needs on par with their own. Never expect an apology, you won’t get one.
- Never let a narcissist determine your self-worth. Narcissists lack empathy and the ability to validate others, so don’t fully trust them with sensitive information because they won’t treat it with the respect it deserves.
- You can assert your own authority and challenge his. Narcissists get away with their behaviour because others (passively) allow them to. Sometimes, you may need to adopt an authoritative stance and firmly impress upon him that his demeaning attitude is unacceptable. Be prepared for pushback. Narcissistic people hate criticism.
- Any friends that mock this friendship, or any other friendship of yours should be ignored. Learn how not to be like them and exert noble character.
Remember this important hadith. “The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Majah]
[Ustada] Shazia Ahmad
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
