How Can I Get Out of an Illicit Relationship When He Is Unstable and Marriage Is Not Possible?
Question: I have been in a long-term relationship with a man. We intended to get married from the start but didn’t get our parents’ blessings because we were very young. It hasn’t been easy. He has been mentally ill for a long time. It’s very hard on me because I constantly have to suppress my real feelings around him. I want to get married because I can’t carry the burden anymore of being in a haram relationship, but he is mentally unstable and unable to marry. What do I do?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. An unstable partner in an illicit relationship is certainly a cause to worry, and I pray that you can remove yourself from this as soon as possible.
The Prayer of Need
The first step to ending any relationship is to ask Allah to help you. It won’t be easy, and with your partner’s mental instability, it may damage him. However, if you stay with him, you are damaging him and harming him more. Pray the Prayer of Need before dawn if you can, and ask Allah to guide you on how to walk away. Ask your Lord to give you wisdom, tact, and gentleness, so that you can both be free from these shackles of sin. https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/hanafi-fiqh/how-does-one-perform-the-prayer-of-need-salat-al-haja/
Tawba
Show Allah your regret, remorse, and renewed intention to never sin like this again. Ask Him to turn a new page for you and put your life back on track.
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/a-reader-on-tawba-repentance/
Sincere repentance brings Allah joy as we see this Prophetic hadith. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Verily, Allah is more pleased with the repentance of His slave than a person who has his camel in a waterless desert carrying his provision of food and drink, and it is lost. Having lost all hopes (to get that back), he lies down in the shade and is disappointed about his camel; when all of a sudden, he finds that camel standing before him. He takes hold of its reins and then, out of boundless joy, blurts out: ‘O Allah, You are my slave, and I am Your Lord. ‘ He commits this mistake out of extreme joy.“ [Muslim]
Change yourself
Focus on school, work, Islamic knowledge, health, skills, and worship. It is also extremely beneficial to find the good company of religious sisters who will help you, support you and be good friends to you. Once you get your life back on track, you should ask Allah to send you a good, pious husband who will honor you and take care of you and will not expect you to disobey Allah. I am certain that if you make Allah number one, you will find much good and many blessings come your way.
Given the considerations in such cases, please consult reliable local scholars about the situation’s specifics—Jazakum Allah khayr.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next and give you the strength to do what you must.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
