My Husband Wants Marital Relations Every Day, and Washing My Hair So Often Makes It Fall Out. What Do I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Assalam alaykum,

I used to pray before I got married, and even performed tahajjud daily. However, my husband wants to make love daily, and I am unable to wash my hair every day because my hair falls out. I cannot say no to him, but I want to pray. He is a loving husband, but doesn’t pray at all. Do I have to wash my hair for ghusl?

Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.

Prayer

Dear sister, I pray that Allah grants you the strength and courage to return to your obligatory prayers, and to tahajjud. Establishing your prayer is the most important thing you can do in your life.

Please make your repentance, and strive to do everything your power to return to your prayer. You will need to pay back all the prayers you have missed. Please make a timetable and commit to it.

Ghusl

It is obligatory for you to wash your hair when you make ghusl. I encourage you to think of creative solutions. Is it possible for you to cut your hair?

Please see your doctor and a nutritionist. Perhaps you are lacking in certain vitamins and minerals, especially if you are breastfeeding. Please find out what supplements you should be taking.

Marriage

“And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him a great reward.” [Qur’an, 8:28]

When registration reopens, please enrol in and complete this course: Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages.

I pray that this course will help you gain a better understanding about the foundation of a successful Islamic marriage – sincere concern. This concern does not stop at the dunya, but it extends all the way to the akhirah.

Because of this, please make dua for Allah to guide your husband. Establishing his prayer is extremely important. Please be a good example for him. Be a woman of tahajjud again, and be that example for your child. Ramadan is coming soon, so prepare for that by establishing your prayers.

Connection

How can you nourish your connection to Allah? Could you give in regular charity? Listen to and read more Qur’an? I encourage you to listen to podcasts such as Content of Character and The Rawha.

I pray that Allah grants you the courage and wisdom to return to prayer.

Please see:

Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.