How Can I Marry My Childhood Crush?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I know a girl from my childhood, and our friendship turned out into a pure relationship where we both wanted to live happily together We didn’t know that we should have told our parents. I somehow managed to confess my love for her to my mother and uncle, as I don’t have my dad. My entire family accepted our love and told us to be within our limits until we finish our studies. Her dad is a strict and narrow-minded person, so she couldn’t tell her parents. She has only told her mother.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah Most High reward you for your desire to stay within the limits of Islam and for choosing your spouse based on religion.

Istikhara

The first step is Istikhara. Please seek guidance from Allah Most High on how to proceed and whether you should pursue this. Follow the guidance in this hadith, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim] Also, you must take a course on Islamic marriage to prepare yourself, knowing the rights and obligations involved.

Please see these links for details:
Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance
The Reality of Istikhara
A Dua to Make Someone My Spouse

Her Parents

If she is unable to tell her father how she feels about you, she doesn’t need to tell him. All that needs to be done is that you go to their house with your uncle and/or mother, and propose. If he doesn’t know you at all, let him get to know you, and let him take his time and see if he feels that you are fitting for his daughter. Let him ask around about you and do his research.

In the End

You will either end up with the girl that you desire or you won’t, as she needs her father’s permission to marry. This is the truth. Know that you and the person destined for you is the best one for you, whoever that may be. Trust in Allah Most High, and continuously ask Him for submission, guidance, and reliance on Him. Pray the Prayer of Need and rise before dawn to communicate with your Lord. If you are marrying with the right intention, Allah Most High will facilitate the perfect match for you, even if you have to endure some disappointment first. Try not to decide by emotion, but approach this logically and wisely.

Please see the links below for more tips:
Can A Father Refuse To Meet A Suitor For His Daughter?
What Can I Do If My Parents Do Not Accept the Person I Want to Marry?
What Should I Do About Stubborn Parents Who Refuse My Potential Suitor?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.