Does It Count as a Divorce If My Husband Said, That He’d Take Care of His Ex-wife?
Shafi'i Fiqh
Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Question
A few years ago, my husband said that if his ex-wife were sick and dying, he would probably cry and hug her.
Recently I told him, “When you’re older, you’re gonna look for her, right?” He nodded and said, “Yeah yeah,” sarcastically. I don’t know if he meant it because he later said he was talking rubbish. Does that count as a divorce?
I’m exhausted. It’s hard being married to someone who has an ex-wife, and I feel like he still thinks of her.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate. May Allah alleviate our difficulties and guide us to that which is pleasing to Him.
Sorry to hear about your difficult situation. Your husband may or may not be thinking of his ex-wife, but he chooses to be with you, and that’s all that matters. Turn to Allah, and He will place pure love in your hearts for each other. Based on your description, no divorce has occurred, and Allah knows best.
Plain Words of Divorce
The words that effect a divorce may be plain or allusive. Plain words effect divorce whether one intends it or not, while allusive words do not effect it unless one intends divorce thereby.
Using plain words to effect a divorce means expressly pronouncing the word divorce (in any language) or terms derived from it. When the husband says: “I divorce you” or “You are divorced,” the wife is immediately divorced whether he has made the intention or not.
Here and in the rulings below, expressions such as “the wife is divorced” or “the divorce is effected” mean just one of the three times necessary to finalize it, unless the husband intends a two or threefold divorce or repeats the words three times.
When a husband is asked, “Have you divorced your wife?” and he says “Yes,” then she is divorced even if he does not intend it. [Keller, Reliance of the Traveler]
Allusive Words of Divorce
Using allusive words to effect a divorce includes:
(1) the husband’s saying, “You are now alone,” “You are free,” “You are separated,” “You are parted,” “You are no longer lawful to me,” “Rejoin your kin,” “You are footloose,” and the like.
(2) his saying, “I am divorced from you.”
(3) or when he commissions the wife to pronounce the divorce, and she says, “You are divorced.”
(4) when someone asks the husband. “Do you have a wife?” and he says, “No.”
(5) or when the husband writes words that effect the divorce, whether able or unable to speak at the time of writing, whether he is present or absent, or whether he writes in plain or allusive words.
When one intends divorce by any of the above, the words effect it, but if one does not, they do not. [ibid.]
Since, based on your description, none of the above scenarios apply to your situation, no divorce has taken place, and Allah knows best.
I pray this is of benefit and that Allah guides us all.
[Shayh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar, Shaykh Taha Karaan.
Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Mawlana Yusuf Karaan, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.
He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has served as the Director of the Discover Islam Centre and Al Jeem Foundation. For the last five years till present, he has served as the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.
Shaykh Irshaad has thirteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town). He is currently building an Islamic online learning and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and pursuing his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy living and fitness.
