What Should I Do If I Backbite a Brother?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul Sami‘ al-Yaqti

Question

What should I do if I backbite a brother?

Answer

All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds. Blessings and peace be upon the Master of the Messengers, his Family, and all his Companions.

Backbiting is mentioning your brother with something he dislikes, and it is not limited to the tongue; it can also be through other limbs, actions, and gestures. A Muslim who falls into backbiting must repent sincerely to Allah by doing the following: immediately ceasing the act, seeking forgiveness, feeling remorse, resolving never to return to it, and asking for pardon and forgiveness from the person he backbit if possible and if it does not lead to greater harm. Additionally, he should frequently seek forgiveness, pray for the person, and mention him positively in the places where he previously backbit him. And Allah knows best.

Detailed Answer

Allah (Most High) says:

“O  believers! Avoid many suspicions, (for) indeed, some suspicions are sinful. And do not spy, nor backbite one another. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of their dead brother? You would despise that!1 And fear Allah. Surely Allah is (the) Accepter of Repentance, Most Merciful.” [Quran, 49:12]

‘Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) reported that she said to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace):

“It is enough for you about Safiyyah that she is such and such.” So the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “You have said a word that if it were mixed with the water of the sea, it would contaminate it.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

How the Prophet Defined It?

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) gave a sufficient and comprehensive definition of backbiting that makes other definitions unnecessary. Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

“Do you know what backbiting is?” They said: “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He said: “It is mentioning your brother with what he dislikes.” It was said: “What if my brother is as I say?” He said: “If he is as you say, you have backbitten him, and if he is not as you say, you have slandered him.” [Muslim]

His saying: “you have slandered him,” means you have lied and falsely accused him.

Forms of Backbiting

Sayyiduna Hasan (Allah be pleased with him) said:

“Backbiting has three forms, all of which are mentioned in the Book of Allah (Most High): backbiting, slander, and false accusation. As for backbiting, it is what you say about your brother that is true about him. As for slander, it is that you say about him what has reached you from others. And as for false accusation, it is that you say about him what is not true.” [Qurtubi, Tafsir al-Qurtubi]

It should be noted that backbiting is not limited to the tongue; Sacred Law prohibits backbiting because it involves openly speaking in a way that belittles people and mentions their faults. Thus, any action, gesture, or writing that conveys the intended meaning is also considered backbiting. ‘Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) reported:

“A short woman came to see the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) while he was seated. I gestured with my hand to indicate to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) about her height. He said, ‘You have backbitten her.’” [Bayhaqi, Shu‘ab al-Iman]

After this essential introduction, we return to answering the question: What should I do if I backbite a brother?

I say, with Allah’s help, a Muslim who falls into backbiting should immediately hasten to sincere repentance and rectify what he has corrupted by doing the following:

• Cease the act immediately.
• Seek forgiveness and feel remorse.
• Resolve not to return to it.
• If possible, and if it does not lead to greater harm, he should seek forgiveness and pardon from the person he backbit.
• Mention the person positively in the places where he backbit him, counteract the backbiting with praise, and pray for him as much as he deems necessary to compensate.

Imam Ghazali on Backbiting

Imam Ghazali said:

“The explanation of the atonement for backbiting: Know that it is obligatory for the backbiter to feel remorse, repent, and regret what he did to absolve himself from the right of Allah (Most High). Then he must seek forgiveness from the one he backbit to be absolved from the wrongdoing. Hasan said that seeking forgiveness alone suffices without seeking pardon, and perhaps this is supported by the narration from Anas Ibn Malik, who said that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: ‘The atonement for one you have backbitten is to seek forgiveness for him.’ Mujahid said the atonement for eating your brother’s flesh is to praise him and pray for him.

‘Ata’ Ibn Abi Rabah was asked about repentance from backbiting, and he said: ‘You should go to your brother and say: I lied about you, wronged you, and did evil to you. If you wish, you can take your right, and if you wish, you can forgive.’ This is the most correct view.

The claim that honor has no equivalent compensation and, therefore, does not require seeking pardon, unlike wealth, is weak. There is a prescribed punishment for defamation, and the demand for it is established. In the authentic Hadith, it is narrated that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

‘Whoever has wronged his brother in honor or wealth, let him seek his pardon today before there comes a day when there will be no dinar or dirham…’

Therefore, seeking pardon is necessary if one is able to do so. If the person is absent or deceased, one should frequently seek forgiveness, supplicate for him, and perform many good deeds. The way of the one apologizing should be to praise him excessively, show affection to him, and continue doing so until his heart is content. If his heart is not content, the apology and showing affection will be counted as a good deed to counteract the sin of backbiting on the Day of Judgment.” [Ghazali, Ihya’]

Seeking Forgiveness

Imam Ibn al-Qayyim summarizes the matter in his book, by saying:

“Chapter Sixty-Five: What to say if you have backbitten your Muslim brother. It is mentioned by the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) that the expiation for backbiting is to seek forgiveness for the one you have backbitten, saying: ‘O Allah, forgive us and him.’ This was mentioned by Bayhaqi, who noted that its chain of narration is weak.

This matter has two views among scholars, and there are also two narrations from Imam Ahmad: whether it is sufficient to seek forgiveness for the backbiting person in repentance from backbiting or whether it is necessary to inform him and seek his pardon. The correct view is that it is not necessary to inform him; rather, it is sufficient to seek forgiveness for him and mention his good qualities in the places where you backbit him.

Informing him does not achieve the intended purpose of the Sacred Law, as it stirs his heart and harms him if he hears what is said about him. It may result in his enmity, and he may never reconcile with you. Such outcomes are not permitted by the wise Sacred Law, let alone mandated or commanded. The principles of Sacred Law revolve around preventing and minimizing harm, not causing or increasing it.” [Ibn Qayyim, al-Wabil al-Sayyib]

Advice

I ask Allah (Most High) to grant me, you, and all Muslims safety and wellness from these reprehensible traits and their consequences. I advise you with what Imam Shafi‘i mentioned in these great lines of poetry: