Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I have been struggling with waswasa, so I can only properly clean myself in the bathroom where there is a shower. I know one can clean oneself on the toilet, but this is too hard for me, and I feel I can’t be clean like that, and my prayers won’t be accepted. I only use the restroom once or twice a day and barely drink water because I really can’t take less than 30 minutes in the bathroom. My mom told me I am not allowed in that bathroom longer than 10 minutes, and I have to use the other restroom without a shower. Even though this is possible for others, it is not for me. Can I disobey my mom on this? This is very hard, and I feel suicidal from it.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your efforts, and may you find ease in what you are facing. If you are feeling suicidal at all, I urge you to immediately contact a doctor or other professional to help you. Your mental health and safety is a priority.

See some very good tips here:

• How to Get Rid of Suicidal Thoughts and Depression?

Seek Refuge

Allah Most High has given us a direct method of dealing with whisperings of the devil in the following verse:

وَإِمَّا يَنزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ نَزْغٌ فَاسْتَعِذْ بِاللّهِ إِنَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ

“And if a false imputation from the Shaytan afflicts you, seek refuge in Allah; surely He is Hearing, Knowing.” [Quran, 7:200]

Shaykh Muhammad Carr mentions this about the tafsir of the above verse:

“Al-Raghib and Ibn Atiyyah have restricted the word “nazghun” to apply to inserting one thing into another in order to corrupt it. The devil thus seeks to infuse you with doubts and misgivings about the validity of your prayer, attempting to corrupt your prayer and acts of worship with his insinuations. These insinuations are nothing but baseless doubts which do not affect the certainty of your condition, and thus, these doubts should be dealt with clinically and removed from your mind and heart. These doubts appear like looming darkness, but they are quick to dissipate when you apply the rule found below.”

To apply the Quranic injunction, say one or both of these supplications when you have doubts about your purification:

أعُوذُ بِاللهِ مِن الشَّيْطانِ الرَّجيم

O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the accursed Satan.

أللّهُمَّ إنّي أعوذُ بِك ِن الشَّيْطانِ الرَّجيم مِن هَمْزِهِ ونَفْخِه ونَفْثِه

O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the accursed Satan, from his madness, his pride, and his witchcraft.”

Principle

In Islam, a legal maxim is that certainty is not removed by doubt. Unless you are absolutely certain that you have not cleaned properly, you simply seek refuge in Allah, push these misgivings from your mind, and carry on. Do your best to obey your mother in using the half bathroom and ask Allah to guide you to what He loves and to practice Islam how He wants you to practice it.

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.