Do I Have to Obey My Father When He Tells Me to Sleep Early?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m an adult woman, and my father wants me to go to sleep at 10 p.m., which is way too early for me. His reasoning is that it is beneficial to my health. He often tells me how to live my life when it comes to health, and it makes me sad because I feel like I don’t have much freedom. Sometimes there are things that I want to do after 10, like texting my friends or doing something to decompress after a stressful day. Would it be considered disobedience if I went to bed at 11 or midnight instead?

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for the rank at which you hold your parents’ requests, and I pray that you can be good to them through open communication and love.

Goodness

Allah Most High said in the Quran, “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Quran, 17:23]

Listening to your father would probably do you much good, as sleeping early and rising early bring more blessings into your time. The Quranic injunction is to be good to your parents, and you need to decide whether this is something that you can do to make him happy or not. If you really can’t, or sometimes can’t, communicate with him and ask him to relax his requests so that you don’t feel guilty for not listening to him, and so you don’t anger him. Or compromise and meet him halfway. Obedience to parents is not unconditional.

Do Your Best

Always keep this hadith in mind when deciding how to behave with your father: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The Lord’s pleasure is in the parent’s pleasure, and the Lord’s anger is in the parent’s anger.” [Tirmidhi]

Please see these links as well:

• When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How?
• What Constitutes Disobeying One’s Parents (’Uquq al-Walidayn)?
• Do My Parents Have a Right To Decide Everything About My Life After I’m 18?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.