How Do I Explain to My Mother That I Want to Take Off My Hijab, as a 12-Year-Old?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am 12 years old. I put on the hijab when I was nine years old in the heat of the moment because, at school, everyone would bully me for being the odd one out. My mom talked to me about the hijab and I felt so pressured, I decided to put it on, and I regret my decision. I dropped a hint on my mom once but she reacted negatively, saying I’ll go to hell. I don’t want to go to hell, but one time I took it off and just wore a hoodie and I felt much happier and more like myself. What should I do?

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah give you peace, contentment and wisdom with your decision and make it easy for you to deal with this challenge.

Ask Allah

Look in your heart, and ask yourself if you really feel that it’s the right thing to do. Channel your feelings into dua, and ask Allah to fill your heart with peace, to make you feel like yourself, and to guide you to the right decision. Speak with your mother openly and request a calm and open conversation with her about the topic. If not, speak to another trusted elder or relative about it. Sometimes discussing things openly can bring out the root of your feelings, and you may find that hijab is not really the issue.

Remember this verse from the Quran, “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.” [Quran, 65:2-3]

Please see these links for tips as well:

• Will Allah Hate Me for Removing My Hijab?
• Is removing Hijab and Make-Up a Form of Apostasy?
• Are Good Deeds Unaccepted If You Don’t Wear Hijab?
• Is Hijab Worn Out of Culture or Obligation?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.