How Do I See Beyond My Depression?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question

I have depression and social anxiety. It has been 5 and a half years. With time, I distanced myself more and more from my religion. I don’t pray anymore. I have nothing to do with my Religion. I can’t pray because it hurts so much when I pray about my problems and wishes and to be reminded 5 times a day is too much for me.

Also I can’t pray because I wish so badly to be nothing, I am praying for that.. God can do everything. But at the same time I have unfortunately probably subconsciously anger towards God why he in the first place created me. I am angry that I was not free at this point. I couldn’t do anything.

I don’t want anything in this life or the life after. I just want to be nothing. I go to therapy but it doesn’t help. I also don’t take medications because they don’t help either and make me worse. I still haven’t found something that could give me joy and passion to hold on to that. 

I would try to dance, but for that I need to feel comfortable with myself and body and I am not. And I think the truest and best thing would be the religion, but I lost it and I can’t reach it again, I also don’t want to. I don’t have an urge.

Answer

My dear brother, I pray all your difficulties are removed very soon, and that Allah blesses you with such favours that you delight in every moment of existence in this life and the next.

What can I say? Sometimes human words cannot articulate one’s pain, nor can they adequately soothe the pain of another. Your pain, your grief, your sadness…It will all work out to be what is best for you.

Let us see how.

Allah Loves You

You may think that this cannot be. You do not pray. You struggle to call out to Him. You do not feel connected to religion. So how can Allah love you?

The simple answer is that He loves you because He Himself chose to love you. Allah’s love for you is not because of something you have done. No. It is because He chose to shower His favour on you.

So the first thing you need to do is cherish the gift of faith. You reached out. That is a sign that there is some strength of faith inside. You might struggle with your practice, but be certain that your faith is an unthankable gift; and one day, you will rewarded so tremendously for this faith and choosing to cherish it despite all the adversities you’ve seen that you, yourself, will be in wonder of Allah’s generosity.

How To Know He Loves You

Imam Ghazali, known for deep religious and spiritual insight, said,

”When you see Allah is withholding something of the dunya from you, and trying you with many severe difficulties and tests, then know you are dear to Him! And you have a special rank with Him! He is treating you the way He treats His special Allies and those close to Him. He sees you…Have you not heard the words, ‘Be patient for the command of your Loving Lord; you are in Our gaze.’ (Quran; 52:48) (Ghazali; Munawi’s Fayd al Qadir)

Those close to Him are tried. Look at the Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and give him peace. Out of the seven children Allah gave him, he buried six of them…Isn’t that a great trial? Let alone everything else he endured.

Look at the beautiful words of Allah speaking to the Prophet Musa, ”And I tested you with many, crushing trials!” And in the very next verse He said, ”And I specifically chose you, and made you with special concern, just so you could be Mine.” (Quran; 20:40-41)

Why Show Love in This Way?

Allah loves you. The real you. The version of you that will be with Him in Paradise, forever. What you are undergoing now is a stage of your preparation. You’ll attain such high ranks through enduring these trails that others will be left baffled at how you got there. Wait and see! There is a wisdom behind every bit of pain. You’ll see it, be rewarded for it, and even appreciate it.

What About My Religious Practice?

Shaykh Ahmad b. ‘Ata’illah, the great sufi and scholar, said, ”When Allah opens a door for you to be introduced to Him then don’t be worried if your deeds are few.” (Ibn ‘Ata’illah, al Hikam) 

What he means here is that Allah has put you in a situation where you are learning about His infinite power; that He is the omnipotent God and we are mere slaves, fully dependent on Him in every moment.

This is a realisation many people don’t get – ever. Fir’awn, in the Qur’an, was convinced he was a god! What a mistake he made!

Your trial has forced you into a situation where you struggle to pray. Use this as a means to turn to Allah and express your human weakness. Recognise He has all the might and power and recognise that you are a weak slave. Sometimes, this is all that is required from the test.

I’m not saying you should disregard the prayer. No. Make a plan to heal and resume praying when you are ready. Go at your own pace. Allah sees you, remember? You’ve been tested with this, so have high hopes in Allah. He knows what you carry of pain and burdens.

God willing, a day will come when He will make the prayer, and the connection to Him, the sweetest moments of the day and night for you. Have hope, and ask Allah to get you there.

Am I Even Benefitting From All This?

The short answer is: yes. The long answer is: without a doubt! The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, was describing good deeds, and he said, ”The prayer is a bright light (nur)…” What a beautiful description. He then went on to say, ” And patience is a blinding, hot, brilliantly bright light!” (diya’) (Muslim)

Look at the effect the prayer has, and compare it to the effect your enduring these trials will have! Don’t give up.

I don’t have the words which will magically flip your situation into one of ease if Allah doesn’t want it to happen yet. They don’t exist. What I do have is the assurance that everything is dependent on Allah’s divine will which always chooses what’s best for you; and that great will is not dependent on anything. This is tawhid.

Don’t Be Angry

Busy your conscious mind with the thoughts of the unending reward Allah will give you. With the expectation of indescribable joy. With the fruits of every second of waiting for the end of the trials. That itself is an act of worship.

Many other people have been through what you are going through. Allah gave us Sayyida Maryam as an example. She reached the highest stage of sainthood, yet she was tried with being overwhelmed with trials.

She was dedicated to the synagogue for worship from birth. She was the niece of a prophet, a descendent of righteous people, rabbis, and prophets.  She would be miraculously given summer fruits in winter, and winter fruits in summer. She never touched a man…yet she was given a child.

When she was forced to rest her back on a palm tree by the contractions; when she had all of the above in mind; when she was worried about what would be said about her and her family; when she thought she would be falsely accused of being unchaste…What did she say? ”Oh, if only! If only I had died long before this, or was something worthless, forgotten!” (Quran; 19:23)

I believe you described being in such a state. Look what happened to her! Praised by Allah Himself in His perfect book for all eternity. Jesus, one of the greatest people ever, is addressed as being her son! What an honour that is for him. She will be one of the closest to Allah, safe from pain, safe from punishment, safe from all harm…forever. Look how that turned out for her.

Now, think how things will turn out for you! You, my dear brother, have a lot to look forward to. Allah has seen every second of your pain, and every bit of it will be rewarded. You might have forgotten it, but Allah does not lose any of the reward of those who do good.

Stay strong. Have a good opinion of Allah. Keep telling yourself of it, and tell those people around you to remind you. This is imperative. You might be low in energy one day, so they will have to give you that boost. Force yourself to be around supportive people.

Seeking A Way Out

You need to look at two things. The first is managing yourself in this state, and the second is how to heal.

Managing the Difficulty

For the former, you need to trust that Allah will bring things about when the time is right. That is a guarantee. If you need to sing, then do so. If you need to try some form of anti-depressants then do so. Speak to an expert on the matter. Some people do benefit from them.

I personally know people who took this greens formula and within a couple of weeks the symptoms of their depression lifted. Regularly taking it may help a lot, God willing. There are other means. Actively search for something which will work for you. This is your spiritual struggle.

Also, get out of the environment that made you ill. You won’t be able to heal in it. If it means taking some drastic steps, do so.

Speak to Allah. It doesn’t have to be formal dua. Even if you say something like ”My Lord, You see what I’m going through. Help.” It will have an effect. You may not see it immediately, but it will have an effect.

Healing

Healing is more difficult. It’s a longer process. You said you are having some therapy sessions without success. Perhaps it’s time to search for another type of therapy. Maybe EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, EFT, or PSTEC. I know the above all work, but you need to find something which works for you.

Sometimes, traditional talk therapy just cements the emotional trauma further, as highlighted by Dr Bessel van der Koll (The Body Keeps the Score). Personally, I’d say start with EFT with a practitioner (search for the EFT Guild online) because you can target the specific symptom with it.

Listen to this seminar which discusses various approaches. You may find something that helps you there.

Keep looking and working towards a solution. Many people have fully healed from what you are going through. You can heal too. Do it with the intention of drawing closer to Allah. You’ll see a world of difference. 

At the end of the day the trials will end one way or another. Be confident that you will come out on top by the generosity of Allah. After all…He loves you.

May Allah remove all your difficulties very soon.

Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable local scholars or counselors about the specifics of the situation. Jazakum Allah khayr. May Allah facilitate all ease and good for you.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim Reasat
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. After graduating with a degree in English and History, he moved to Damascus in 2007, where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital. He was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence.