What to Do with a Husband Who Only Says “I Love You for the Sake of Allah?”
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I want to know that my sadness is okay when my husband keeps telling me that he loves me only for the sake of Allah. It feels like he is doing a duty only and not actually loving me. It feels like he is taking care only because it’s fard on him, and he has no choice but to take care of me.
Even though I love my Allah and my husband very much, the fact that he says he doesn’t want feelings to get involved with me and will only do things for me for the sake of Allah makes me feel very bad and demotivated. I understand that his duty to Allah is the best thing, but it makes me sad at times that he doesn’t want to love me.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for having such a pure heart towards your husband and may you find solace and comfort that he is trying to do what is right.
Love
What your husband is saying is not wrong, but you are right that it can be saddening. I encourage you to completely ignore that part of his statement and focus on the fact that he loves you. I have a feeling that he will change and soften over time, give him that space to grow, learn and improve his delivery!
Please say this du`a of Prophet Dawud (Allah give him peace) in the meanwhile:
الّلهُمَّ إِنّي أَسْأَلُكَ حُبَّكَ، وَحُبَّ مَن يُحِبُّكَ، والعَمَلَ الَّذِي يُبَلُّغُنِي حُبَّكَ، الَّلهُمَّ اجْعَلْ حُبَّكَ أَحَبَّ إِلَىَّ مِن نَفْسِي، وأَهْلِي، وَمِنَ الْماءِ البَارِدِ.
O Allah! I ask You for Your Love, the love of those who love You, and deeds which will cause me to attain Your Love. O Allah! Make Your Love dearer to me than myself, my family, and the cold water. [Tirmidhi]
Please see these links as well:
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
