What Are the Limits of Interaction While Being Engaged?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How should a fiance and fiancee should communicate with each other? Are they free to call to chat just like girlfriends and boyfriends do? Are they supposed to show effort in their love for each other? Especially leading to the nikah, are they supposed to spice up their relationship via their communication with each other? Are they supposed to reassure each other of their love for one another? Please provide an extensive answer to their limits regarding communication, their relationship, texting, etc.

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to stay within the limits of gender interaction even while you are engaged to your fiance.

Gender Interaction

A couple who does not have a nikah (marriage contract) may not treat one another like boyfriends and girlfriends do. They may not tell each other that they love each other, they should not be texting or chatting, they may not spice up their communication, and they do not need to assure one another of their love. They should remain in contact only when necessary, leaving the wedding planning up to their families and then enjoying their married life after the nikah is done.

Nikah or Patience

If they find that it’s too difficult to remain engaged without being in communication, then they should take the means to do the nikah months before their wedding reception or walima so that they can enjoy their time as a couple and not worry about limits. Note that there is much wisdom in this, as acting like husband and wife during an engagement can lead to much turmoil, misunderstandings, and sin. Remember Allah’s words in the Quran, “Whatever you have will end, but whatever Allah has is everlasting. And We will certainly reward those who observed patience according to the best of their deeds.” [Quran, 16:96]

Please see more details here:

• What are the gender interaction limits before our nikah?
• Is It Permissible for Me to Whatsapp My Fiancé?
• A Reader On Gender Interaction

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.