Should I Marry a Suitor When I Am Not Fond of His Stature?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am 26 years old and have felt ready for marriage for a year or two. I have been talking to a potential spouse for a few months. I am very desperate because I feel that our ideas of the future (Islamic and worldly) and our characters match, but his appearance makes me feel insecure. I like the way his face looks, but I don’t like his physical stature. I’m not sure if his face is enough to build a bond and whether I should agree to this marriage. I have prayed Istikhara and felt nothing. I have also talked to elders about it. Should I just ignore his physical stature if the rest fits

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your discomfort, but I highly urge you to look past his stature and consider him for his character, which is the weightiest thing on the Day of Judgment.

Prophetic Advice

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When one of you intends to propose marriage to a woman; if he can look at that which will induce him to marry her, he should do so.” [Abu Dawud]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) also gave this golden advice to girls’ guardians: “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (fitna) in the land and abundant discord (fasad).” [Tirmidhi]

And for seeking partners, he said this, which applies to both men and women, (Allah bless him and give him peace): “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, lineage, beauty or piety. Select the pious, or your hands will be covered in dust!” [Bukhari & Muslim]

Stature

You can see from the above what really matters. You must pray istikhara again and follow your heart. Weigh the pros and cons and see how you feel. I urge you to remember that his height is not going to affect how he provides for you, how he supports you, how he raises your children, how he hugs you, how he looks at you or how he smiles at you. His height will not hurt you in any way. His character is what will last into your old age, it will not diminish his piety, nor his devotion to his family or his Lord. If you do walk away, will you get someone better?

Please see these links as well:

• Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
• I Wasn’t Attracted to Someone I Was Speaking to for Marriage. What to Do?
• Should I Consider Beauty in a Prospective Bride?
• A Guide to Marriage: SeekersGuidance Reader
• Etiquette of Marriage: A Comprehensive SeekersGuidance Reader
• 40 Hadiths on Successful Marriage: Key Teachings of the Prophet on Beautiful, Loving, Caring Married Life
• Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical lessons that explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
• Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
• Making Love Last: Prophetic Principles for a Successful Marriage

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.