Should I Stop Supplicating to Get My Former Suitor Back Who Got Married?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I met someone for arranged marriage purposes, he made some haram moves, and I allowed it thinking we’ll be married, and then his parents called it off. We stayed in touch and kept falling into haram and then he started acting distant.
Unable to forget him I contacted him a year later, he’s asked to see me, and things happened between us again, and then he and his friends humiliated me behind my back which I came to know about. He denied it all but now he is with someone else. I still love him because I never let my guards down with anyone other than him. There’s no way I can consider another for marriage.
Is it wrong for me to keep praying to Allah to forgive us and bring him back to me?
Answer
Thank you for your question. Sister, I am so sorry that you have allowed yourself to be used, humiliated, and made to look like a fool. Please walk away from this person and don’t look back.
Respect
This man doesn’t respect you, love you, or have the qualities of the husband that you deserve. This is exactly the reason that physical touch is prohibited between men and women. You let your guard down with him, but I guarantee you that it is not love, it’s only lust. From the first day you met, this person was bad news for you, and now you must repent. Please marry according to the Prophet’s advice (Allah bless him and give him peace). The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Moving On
Letting go won’t be easy, but I guarantee that you will get over him with time, patience and supplication (dua). Delete his contact, unfollow him on social media, and keep yourself busy with what benefits you. Turn to Allah with regular prayers and read Quran with the meaning daily. Take courses here at Seekers and review your obligatory knowledge. Keep the company of pious girls who influence you to be your best, serve those around you, and volunteer for charitable work. Attach yourself to Allah, and you will find everything else dwindle away.
Answer Suggestions:
I Still Love a Man Who Left Me
Can I Ask Allah To Give Me Back My Ex-Boyfriend?
Please remember this hadith and be content with leaving this man. The Messenger of Allah, (Allah bless him and give him peace), said “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Ahmad]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
