How Do I Live With My Husband’s Silent Treatments and Lack of Taqwa?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My husband does not follow religion and as a result, he is very rude and arrogant and treats me with no respect, kindness, or love! It’s been three weeks now we have not uttered a word to each other and we are only for fulfilling our parental duties.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your anger and frustration toward your husband and I pray that you can reconcile with him amicably.
Silent Treatments
Silent treatments are truly controlling behavior and abusive. If you are the one who started it, please start speaking to him. It is damaging to go on like this, and your children will be affected, even when they are young. Even if he started it, I encourage you to start speaking to him. Try to break out of the habit of silent treatments. They are useless, hurtful, and abusive. Try using these tips:
Is the Silent Treatment a Form of Abuse?
Not Praying
The fact that he does not pray is a big problem, and I recommend that you never miss your prayers, and hope that the effect will spread. Please try the tips below to encourage him to fulfill his obligations to Allah and find his spirituality.
My Husband Doesn’t Pray
My Husband Doesn’t Pray: How Do I Advise Him?
My Husband Mistreats Me and He Doesn’t Pray
Develop and Learn
The best thing that you can do for your marriage right now is to learn well, worship, and develop your understanding of relationships as best as you can. You must learn to communicate effectively and work hard to make things work. This will take some squashing of your ego. Please take these courses, read the books, and read these articles. Share them with him if possible. If worse comes to worst, you can ask a third party to get involved to help you both communicate and guide you.
Course Suggestions:
40 Hadiths on Successful Marriage: Key Teachings of the Prophet on Beautiful, Loving, Caring Married Life
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical lessons that explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
Answer Suggestions:
Istikhara Prayer
Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)
How Do I Deal With an Unhappy Marriage?
Am I Destined to Suffer in an Unhappy Marriage?
Should She Stay In an Abusive Marriage?
Should I Stay Married Even Though I Hate My Husband Because of His Bad Character and Irreligiousness?
Book Suggestions:
Chapman, G: Five Love Languages Revised Edition
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage
Turn to Allah
Turn to Allah during this difficult time and know that there is ease after every difficulty. Allah hears your prayers and if you ask Him for guidance, He will grant it to you. Make use of auspicious times when supplication is answered, such as the last hour of the day of Friday (right before Maghrib), and every day before dawn. Read Quran daily with the meaning, apply Islam to your life as best as you can, and instill it in your children, you will be greatly rewarded, by the grace of Allah.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.ß
