How Can I Save My Marriage of Ten Years?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My husband falsely accused me of adultery; he has had relations with other women and threatened divorce after 10 years of marriage. I love him and spent my whole life supporting him.
I spent my own inherited money on his business and on his brother’s business. I fulfill his many wishes.
We have a child who is suffering from heart disease, and he never spent a single penny on his medication. He only gives me 18k per month for house expenses. What should I do?
Answer
I empathize with your difficult situation and I pray that you can save your marriage, but also receive fair treatment from him.
Communication and Mediation
I don’t know why he is accusing you of adultery, certainly, there is a background that I’m not familiar with. Your first steps should be to sit down and speak to him openly and honestly and ask him to believe that you have not cheated. If that doesn’t work, bring in some third parties. This could be a friend, imam, relative, local scholar, or elder. Ask them to help you both communicate, and get to the bottom of his reasons for threatening divorce.
Turn to Allah
Allah loves to be asked and there will be ease after this difficulty. I can guarantee it because this is what He has told us in His book. “So, surely with hardship comes ease. Surely with ˹that˺ hardship comes ˹more˺ ease.“ [Quran, 94:5-6] Your supplications are heard, especially when your soul is repentant, broken-hearted, impoverished, and sincere.
The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When half of the night or two-thirds of it is over, Allah (the Blessed and the Exalted) descends to the lowest heaven and says, ‘Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues saying it) till it is daybreak.‘“ [Muslim]
Resources
Take some proactive steps in trying to improve your marriage while you still can. He may not be willing to change, but you can and should exhaust all avenues. Refer to all of the following:
Course Suggestion:
40 Hadiths on Successful Marriage: Key Teachings of the Prophet on Beautiful, Loving, Caring Married Life
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical lessons that explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
Book Suggestions:
The 5 Love Languages
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage
Answer Suggestions:
Is There a Prayer to Save My Marriage?
How Can I Save my Marriage?
Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance
How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
