Has My Husband Divorced Me Unintentionally?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My husband and I are good at the moment, but I still worry occasionally because we have argued many times. He has said many words in anger that could mean separation. He said he did not intend to divorce. But I don’t know if I should believe him as he may not remember correctly. One time he said, “If there is violence, we are over.” I asked if ‘over’ meant divorce. He said “Yes”, to ask me to keep quiet. He did not know what conditional divorce was and did not intend it. Is that counted as one? Does discussing divorce count as one? Will Allah show a sign if our marriage isn’t valid? And what kind of sign would Allah show?
Answer
Thank you for your question.
Conditional Divorce
Shaykh Jamir mentions in another answer: “A statement of divorce can be conditioned by an action or occurrence, for example, ‘If I eat this apple you are divorced,’ and ‘If you enter that house you are divorced.’ If the husband then eats the apple or the wife enters the house, even after time has elapsed, divorce is effected. As long as he/she does not do the act, divorce is not affected. In our school, if he/she does the action completely forgetting that divorce has been conditioned upon it, or is forced into doing the action, then divorce does not come into effect. [Mughni al-Muhtaj]“
See the full answer here:
Can a Man Say to His Wife: “If I Commit Adultery Ever Again I Will Be Divorced From You.”? [Shafi’i]
Does It Count?
From what you describe, divorce has not happened between you and your husband, and you should stop worrying about it. Continue to live your life, fulfilling the obligations that Allah has placed on you and treating him in the way that you would love to be treated yourself. Please ensure that you are not violent toward him, as this would be a great sin and may affect a divorce, according to his statement of a conditional divorce.
Signs
Don’t seek signs about your marriage, rather seek knowledge and rulings and consult local reliable scholars if there is doubt.
Please use all of these resources to work on your marriage:
Course Suggestions:
- Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
- Making Love Last: Prophetic Principles for a Successful Marriage
Answer Suggestions:
- Istikhara Prayer
- Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)
- Resolving Conflict Between Husband and Wife
- Should I Divorce My Husband If All We Do Is Argue?
- Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Book Suggestions:
- Chapman, G: Five Love Languages Revised Edition
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage
Article Suggestions:
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
