What Is the Appropriate Way to Seek and Choose the Right Partner for Marriage
Question
I have been making a lot of duas and prayed tahajjud to marry this guy I have known since I was little. And I feel like he has always liked me, but since it is haram to be in a relationship, I’ve avoided him, since we are not ready for marriage. I’ve asked Allah to keep him away from me if we are not good for each other.
What I have noticed is that he is still making an effort to talk to me and also he shows interest in me after all my duas. I have asked Allah to show me a sign that he likes me, and I got that sign in the most amazing way, Alhamdulillah. Is this Allah showing me that he is good for me and that he will become my husband?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for sticking to Allah’s rules of gender interaction and waiting to marry in the right way.
Husband
You ask if he will become your husband after all the positive signs that you have seen, but I can’t tell the future. Instead of wondering, you should speak to your parents about him, and see if a match is possible. You can pray istikhara about whether to pursue this or not and not being emotionally attached to him is an excellent starting point. Make sure that you are looking at his religion first, according to the prophetic advice.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Preparation
During this time, prepare yourself for marriage by taking courses here on personally obligatory knowledge and Islamic Marriage. Also, hone your skills as a wife, and try to refine your character. Patience, wisdom, tact, cheerfulness, being supportive are all qualities that you should try to engender. Be diligent with your prayers, ready the Qur’an daily, and strive to fulfill your obligations well.
Take a look at these resources and learn as much as you can:
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
A Guide to Marriage: SeekersGuidance Reader
Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical Lessons That Explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
40 Hadiths on Successful Marriage: Key Teachings of the Prophet on Beautiful, Loving, Caring Married Life
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
