Should I Remarry My Abusive Ex-husband, Who I Believe Has Changed?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I was married six months to an abusive man who swore at me, bruised me in the face, threw things, yelled, swore at my parents, and threatened divorce just to make me agree with him until my mental health was affected. He made many broken promises to change. I finally got a khula‘ (release for payment) through court, and I returned the mahr.

Two years later, he has been asking for forgiveness and apologizing and insists that he has changed and wants me back. I feel sorry for him, and it seems like he has changed. Should I go back? Can I reverse this khul‘?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I commend you for getting out of an abusive relationship Islamically and for making the right decision to protect your mind, body, and spirit. I am also relieved that you got out before you had children.

Never, No, Nada

It does not matter that your ex-husband has apologized, or asked for forgiveness, or insisted that he has changed. Never go back to him. You cannot take the risk. It is very common for an abuser to make broken promises, and you have absolutely no guarantee whatsoever. It would be foolish to make this move. You should cut off communication with him, too.

Move On

Make dua that Allah sends you a beautiful man with a beautiful character who is upright, courageous, generous, kind, loving, devout, and hard-working. Only ask for the best and never settle for anything less. In the meantime, work on your own religion and improve yourself. Learn your obligations in marriage, review your personally obligatory knowledge, and learn skills or hobbies that can help you wherever you go. May Allah give you the best man for you.

Reversing a Khul‘

Just as a point of fiqh, but not encouraging you to return to him, a khul‘ is not “reversed.” One simply performs a new nikah with the man, and the marriage is valid.

Here is a hadith for you. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Whoever gives for the sake of Allah, withholds for the sake of Allah, loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, and marries for the sake of Allah, he has indeed perfected his faith.” [Tirmidhi]

Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable counselors about the specifics of the situation.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.