How to Give Proper Islamic Direction to Our Relationship?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
When one has a boyfriend who is a Muslim, who doesn’t touch her, who has introduced her to his family, who is planning a future with her and working hard to get her parent’s approval, who has proposed to her, who wakes her up at fajr time and who encourages her to pray Qiyam al-layl, can this be a haram relationship? What can she do to make it halal?
Answer
Thank you for your question.
The reason that this relationship is considered unlawful is that he is your boyfriend. A Muslim man is not at liberty to get emotionally involved with a girlfriend, Muslim or non-Muslim without a marriage contract between them. He should not be sleeping alone with her in a house either, even if he doesn’t touch her, whether he wakes her up for the night vigil prayer (tahajjud) or fajr prayer or not.
Islam has placed strict rules on gender interaction in order to prevent the preliminaries of fornication or adultery. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah has written the very portion of Zina (fornication) which a man will indulge in. There will be no escape from it. The Zina of the eye is the (lustful) look, the Zina of the ears is the listening (to voluptuous songs or talk), the Zina of the tongue is (the licentious) speech, the Zina of the hand is the (lustful) grip, the Zina of the feet is the walking (to the place where he intends to commit Zina), the heart yearns and desires and the private parts approve all that or disapprove it.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
In order to legitimize this relationship, he would have to marry her, as long as she is Muslim, Christian, or Jewish. It would be in the best interest of both parties if the parents all approve and even better for their future if she converts to Islam. A sincere commitment to living a Muslim lifestyle and raising the children as such would be the optimal outcome.
Until a marriage contract is performed, I recommend that both parties keep a distance from each other in order to realize the seriousness of what they want and properly pursue it according to Allah’s laws. I pray that Allah gives you both the best of both worlds.
Kindly check these links:
Christian Woman in Love with Muslim Man
Muslim Convert: “I saw something greater happening”
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
