How Does Istikhara Work If One Intends to Marry Someone?
Answered by Shaykh Abdurragmaan Khan
Question
I have a question about istikhara. I’m currently in a situation where I’m close friends with a man I like, and he has also expressed that he wants me. I prayed istikhara asking Allah to keep me away from him or make our “spark” disappear if we are not supposed to be together and married. However, after praying Istikhara, we have become even closer than before. The man has said that he doesn’t feel we have a future, and I have told him to pray istikhara, and I don’t know if he has.
Are we getting closer and discussing marriage more than once, a sign of my istikhara working? How do I recognize the signs?
Answer
Istikhara is a prayer to be prayed when one has two options or choices in front of them. Since the brother you are referring to does not see any future between the two of you, it may be that you prayed Istikhara prematurely.
That said since he does not have any interest in marriage, it is undesirable for you to unnecessarily engage with him, never mind draw closer to him. I advise you to message the brother advising him that you are interested in marriage and that if he has a similar intention, he should contact your guardian or wali. If he is unable or unwilling to take this step, it would mean that he is not ready or available for marriage, in which case you should stop all communication with him.
In addition, turn to Allah Most High in prayer, asking him for a spouse that will benefit you in this world and the next. You may also recite the following supplication 100 times daily:
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
Rabbi inni limaa anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqir
O, my Lord! Truly am I in (desperate) need of any good that You send me!
And Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Abdurragmaan Khan
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Abdurragmaan Khan received ijazah ‘ammah from various luminaries, including but not restricted to: Habib Umar ibn Hafiz—a personality who affected him greatly and who has changed his relationship with Allah, Maulana Yusuf Karaan—the former Mufti of Cape Town; Habib ‘Ali al-Mashhur—the current Mufti of Tarim; Habib ‘Umar al-Jaylani—the Shafi‘i Mufti of Makkah; Sayyid Ahmad bin Abi Bakr al-Hibshi; Habib Kadhim as-Saqqaf; Shaykh Mahmud Sa’id Mamduh; Maulana Abdul Hafiz al-Makki; Shaykh Ala ad-Din al-Afghani; Maulana Fazlur Rahman al-Azami and Shaykh Yahya al-Gawthani amongst others.
