How Can I Get My Father to Agree to Accept a Good Proposal?
Shafi'i Fiqh
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am a female over the age of 35 years, never married. A brother with excellent deen & good character approached my father for my hand in marriage. I agreed to the proposal based on his religion and noble character. My father rejected it and said that people would talk in the community if I married him because he is of African descent and we are of South Asian descent. I found out through someone that he is still interested in me. How can I marry him when my wali (father) has rejected the proposal?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration at what is unjust and directly goes against the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace).
The Prophet’s Order
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to the guardians of women: “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (the charge) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (fitna) in the land and abounding corruption (fasad).” [Tirmidhi]
Regarding race and ethnicity, the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) also told us, “Indeed, Allah does not look at your forms and wealth, but rather your hearts and works.” [Muslim]
Strive
Since you need your father’s permission to marry, I encourage you to strive to convince him. Have them meet, talk to him again, ask him to consider the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and have your father meet with a local imam or scholar to convince him and alleviate his fears.
Make Dua
Dua is your greatest tool. Make dua on the last hour of Friday and during tahajjud time, these are times when supplication is answered. Pray your prayers on time, read Quran daily, and give charity with the intention that Allah sway his heart. By Allah’s grace, he will come around. If he does not, you may have to move on, but Allah will give you strength and find someone better, in sha Allah.
For now, use the tool that your Lord has given you. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “When half of the night or two-thirds of it is over, Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues it saying) until it is daybreak” [Muslim]
Please see the answers in this link as well:
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
