Am I Divorced Because We Talked about Me Going Back to My Country?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My husband and I have had so many arguments. I feel like he is never really happy or satisfied with what I do for him, making me unhappy. Recently we argued and talked about me moving back to my home country because I felt unappreciated in what I do for him or the family. He said I could go back but would have to leave our child with him.

Later, he said I could go because he knew I wouldn’t do it. I asked him if he meant divorce, and he said No. I got annoyed and said if he wanted a divorce, he should say so. He said he never said it or meant it. Does discussing the move mean divorce? Should I be quiet next time?

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah help resolve the differences that you have. You are not divorced, nor does the conversation imply divorce if he did not intend it as such.

Divorce

Please see the types of divorce here:
Does a Divorce Need to Be Uttered in Front of Witnesses to Be Valid?
Is It a Divorce If a Spouse Sings a Break-up Song and the Husband Nods to the Beat?

Silence

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever is silent is saved.” [Tirmidhi]

Silence is a virtue, especially in situations like the one you describe. I prefer that a woman not put ideas into her husband’s head during heated moments. Instead, practice conflict resolution, ask Allah to be your biggest defender, and persevere with patience and prayer. At the same time, please take the necessary steps to improve your marriage, as it will never improve on its own. It takes a mountain of effort, but it will be well worth it.

Resources

Start with these resources and try to learn and read them with your husband. Apply the tips; you won’t regret it by the grace of Allah.

Course Suggestions:
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
Making Love Last: Prophetic Principles for a Successful Marriage

Answer Suggestions:
Istikhara Prayer
Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja)
Resolving Conflict Between Husband and Wife
A Guide to Marriage: SeekersGuidance Reader
Love, Marriage, and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered

Book Suggestions:
Chapman, G: Five Love Languages Revised Edition
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage

Article Suggestions:
What Makes A Marriage Work – Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.