Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I converted to Islam very recently after only months of real, formalized study. I was eager and saw suggestions online that encouraged me to convert as soon as I could so as not to perish before I got the chance. When I did convert, I was extremely depressed afterward and could not leave my bed. I’ve had periods of good feelings and depressive feelings like this ever since, wondering whether I made a huge mistake. I accept Islam on a very simple intellectual level, but I’m having big troubles. I make dua and have had good feelings too, but I’m mostly plagued by negative thoughts, shame, and apprehension regarding my new religion. Is there hope for me to learn and develop khushu`?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration, apprehension, and confusion, and I pray that you overcome these feelings and be convinced that you have joined the correct, the last, the most complete, and perfect religion on Earth.

Negative Thoughts

I urge you to ignore these thoughts, gather the courage to see a therapist about your depression, seek refuge from the Devil, and remember that Allah loves you. Your journey should not be to wonder whether your conversion was a mistake, rather, your journey should be to further your knowledge in order to consolidate your faith. Good deeds increase faith, and I ask you to start there, especially by seeking the answers to all your questions in the Book of God.

It was narrated that Jundub bin `Abdullah said: “We were with the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), and we were strong youths, so we learned faith before we learned Quran. Then we learned Quran, and our faith increased thereby.” [Ibn Maja]

Du`a

Shahr bin Hawshab said: “I said to Umm Salama: ‘O Mother of the Believers! What was the supplication that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said most frequently when he was with you?” She said: ‘The supplication he said most frequently was: “O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion (Yā Muqallibal-qulūb, thabbit qalbī `alā dīnik).’” She said: ‘So I said: “O Messenger of Allah, why do you supplicate so frequently: ‘O Changer of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your religion.’ He said: ‘O Umm Salamah! Verily, there is no human being except that his heart is between Two Fingers of the Fingers of Allah, so whomsoever He wills He makes steadfast, and whomever He wills He causes to deviate.’”

I encourage you to say the above supplication often.

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِي عَلَى دِينِكَ

Please see these excellent tips on dealing with faith-related negative thoughts:

• How Do I Deal With Negative Thoughts That Will Make Me Lose My Faith?
• How Can I Overcome My Negative Thoughts?
• A Reader on OCD and Waswasa (Baseless Misgivings)

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.