How Can I Forgive My Relatives Who Treated My Mother So Poorly?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

When my mother was pregnant, my grandma made her work and sent her to clean my aunt’s house as if she was a servant. In fact, she is a well-qualified teacher. There are many instances like such.

How can I forgive those people and maintain ties with them while I hate them? Will Allah not forgive my sins because I haven’t forgiven them and hate them?

Answer

Thank you for your question. Cold-blooded relatives are common tests in life, and I pray that you face this challenge with good character, patience, and forgiveness because Allah will only ask you what you did, and not what they did.

Relatives

The best advice I can give you for dealing with relatives is here:
How Do We Maintain Family Ties With Bloodthirsty Relatives?
How Can I Start Being Kind to My Aunt Even Though She Disrespects Me?
What is the Minimum Amount of Relationship I Have to Keep with a Relative I Hate?

In short, deal with them minimally, visit them on the two Eids, or at least, call. Keep visits and conversations short and ask Allah to open your heart and come to a point of not holding grudges against a single human being. Strive for high spirituality and the best of character. You don’t need to forgive them now, but with time, I pray that you do forgive them and perhaps even come to know their good points.

Grudges

Allah’s forgiveness is not dependent on your feelings for other people, but holding grudges is mentioned in this prophetic hadith: “Neither nurse grudge nor sever (the ties of kinship), nor nurse enmity.” [Muslim]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), also said, “Do not harbour grudges against one another, nor jealousy, nor enmity, and do not show your backs to one another, and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim to avoid speaking with his brother beyond three days.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

Strive to be better, gain knowledge, turn to Allah, don’t go near the unlawful, speak for justice, and live Islam as Allah wants you to live it.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.