What Would Be the Safest Way to Behave Towards the Person Who Assaulted Me?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: I was physically assaulted a few weeks ago but unfortunately live in the same house as the assaulter. Neither of us are in a position to move out. This person now wants to apologize but I do not wish to have any interaction with this person. Can I have your input on this situation?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa bakaratuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah help you heal from your trauma, and grant you closeness to Him.
Healing From Assault
Being physically assaulted is a serious matter. Not only is it unlawful, but it sows deep mistrust between people.
It is very difficult to forgive your abuser, especially if he/she is a parent or relative. You may be struggling with feelings of fear, betrayal and anger. Please consult a trained family therapist who can help you heal, move forward, and come up with a viable plan of action. Because you are unable to move out of your home, you will need to learn ways to protect yourself, draw boundaries, and interact peacefully with your abuser. Ignoring him/her is not a viable long-term solution. Avoidance can only take you so far.
Dua
Make constant dua for Allah to heal you and help you forgive this person. When the time is right, Allah will help you let this go, inshaAllah. May this be a means of tremendous expiation for you. Remember that there is no veil between the one who is oppressed and Allah. Pray Salatul Hajat and ask Allah for a way out of this situation, in a manner which is most pleasing to Him.
Marriage
Before you get married, please complete this course Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life. Please think carefully before committing to marriage. Many young women think marriage is the quickest way out of an abusive home. However, unless they have worked through their issues, many of them end up marrying abusive men, replicating their original trauma. I pray that Allah grants you lasting healing, and blesses you with a righteous and loving husband.
Boundaries
The next time somebody approaches you with well-meaning advice, please smile, thank them for their concern, and say that you are working on it. Unless they have been also been abused, most people are unable to imagine the trauma that comes with being physically assaulted, let alone provide beneficial advice. This is a test of your patience and good character.
Please refer to the following links:
What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?
Wassalam,
Raidah
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
