What Is The Best Way I Can Get Married?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am a 20 year old Muslim boy and I am in a relationship with a Muslim girl who is 18 years old. How can we get married and how can we talk to our families to accept our marriage in the best way?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am happy to hear that you want to make your relationship permissible but know that you are emotionally attached and that it might not be easy.

Tawba First

Your partner and yourself should repent to Allah for this illicit relationship and know that He is there to hear your supplication. Your repentance is always good enough for Allah.

The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Allah, Blessed is He and Most High, said, ‘O son of Adam! Verily as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me, I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you, and I would not mind. O son of Adam! If you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.’” [Tirmidhi]

Istikhara

Pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance, first, asking Allah whether you should pursue marriage with her. Pray for seven days, and especially in the last third of the night (before dawn). You should not have any communication with her while you do this. You need to have a clear head and not be distracted. 

If you feel positive about it, speak to your parents with respect, honesty, and seriousness. Have a financial plan in place as well. It is dignified and respectable to take the correct means to get married. You should slow down your communication with her during this time because you need to focus on achieving this marriage. Once your parents agree, you can go with your parents to her house and speak to her parents.

If you feel negative about it, then do take steps to cut her out of your life. Don’t lust after her or get more emotionally attached, when Allah has guided you to leave her in your past. The pain will be terrible but following what is right is essential to your happiness and success in this life and the next.

The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return.“ [Ahmad] If it doesn’t work out, it is time for you to put your trust in the Most High and expect something magnificent instead. It may come from whence you don’t expect it.

Turn to Allah, perform your duties to Him, and ask Him to guide you to a halal and more fulfilling life. Commit to following Allah and His messenger religion correctly. May Allah bless you with a perfectly suited wife, whoever she may be, that will be a garment for you, and you a garment for her.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad 
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.