What Do I Do If My Partner and I Want to Repent from an Illicit Relationship?
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Question
What do I do if my partner and I want to repent from an illicit relationship and get married but our parents won’t allow it?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
In difficulties such as the one you find yourself in, remember that relief is only from Allah Most High. Even though you perceive your parents as the obstacle, know that whatever Allah wills, is and whatever He does not will, can never be.
Allah Most High says, “Whoever is mindful of Allah, He will make for them a way out (of every difficulty) and provide for them from where they cannot expect. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, He is sufficient for them…” [Qur’an, 65:2-3]
Turning to Allah for Help
You should turn your heart to Allah Most High and take on the following means:
1 – Repentance
The first step in making right your relationship with Allah Most High is repentance. Repentance is valid and accepted if the following conditions are fulfilled.
(A) Sincere remorse
(B) Immediately desisting from the sin
(C) Full resolve never to repeat the sin
[Nawawi, Riyadh al-Salihin]
Thus, for now you should not continue your relationship with your partner. Abstain from any physical contact and limit socializing to that which is formal and not inviting.
This may seem counterproductive but you must remember that Allah’s help cannot be attained through His disobedience.
2 – Prayer of Seeking Good
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) taught us a prayer and a supplication as a means to seek from Allah Most High that which is best for us. It is a humbling reality but a reality none-the-less that we do not always know whats best for us.
Allah Most High says, “…perhaps you dislike something while it is good for you. And perhaps you love something while it is bad for you. And Allah knows while you know not.” [Qur’an, 2:216]
See this link for instructions on how to perform this prayer.
3 – A Candid Conversation
After performing the prayer of seeking good – if you feel in your heart that pursuing marriage with your previous partner is good for you – then take the following step.
You should sit down your parents and in a respectable way apologize for your actions. Then tell them sincerely how you feel. Whatever their response is you should respectfully comply and beseech Allah to guide you to that which is best for you.
4 – Reliance on Allah
Note that this situation will surely require you to rely on Allah Most High. Remember if you strive to please Allah in the way your proceed with this situation, Allah will never let your efforts go to waste.
Allah Most High says, “Corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men are for corrupt women; good women are for good men and good men are for good women…” [Qur’an, 24:26]
Strive to be a good servant of Allah and Allah will bring you a good partner.
I pray that Allah makes easy this situation and guides you to that which will prove best for you in this life and the next.
Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he completed four years at the Darul Uloom seminary in New York, where he studied Arabic and the traditional sciences. He then traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he stayed for three years studying in Dar Al-Mustafa under some of the greatest scholars of our time, including Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, Habib Kadhim al-Saqqaf, and Shaykh Umar al-Khatib. In Tarim, Shaykh Yusuf completed the memorization of the Qur’an and studied beliefs, legal methodology, hadith methodology, Qur’anic exegesis, Islamic history, and several texts on spirituality. He joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.
