I Want to Marry Someone With Excellent Character but Weakness in His Religion. What Should I Do?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: I want to marry someone with excellent character but weakness in his religion. He struggles with believing in certain principles of Islam, certain miracles mentioned in the Qur’an, and with the idea of Islamic prayer. What should I do?
Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmatuLlahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for seeking out clarity on this issue.
Marriage
The Messenger of Allah said: “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care of) one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, there will be turmoil in the land and abounding discord.” [Tirmidhi]
The way of our deen is one of balance. AlhamduliLlah, it is praiseworthy that this young man has excellent character. However, that is not enough. Love is not enough, either, to sustain a successful Islamic marriage. It sounds like he lacks a basic understanding of the deen.
I encourage him to download this free lesson set titled Who Is Allah? When registration reopens, please encourage him to enroll in courses to help strengthen his belief, such as Being Muslim: A Clear Introduction to Islam.
I also encourage both of you to download the free lesson set titled Getting Married. When registration reopens, please enroll in Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life
Children
“O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.” [Qur’an, 66:6]
Marriage will have a tremendous impact on the trajectory of your life, and that of your unborn children. Please choose wisely. The father of your children will be their role model, for better or for worse. Make it easier on yourself. Marry someone whose heart is already inclined towards Allah and His Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace). This way, you will have a companion who also walks with you towards Allah, and who will encourage your children to do the same.
Moving forward
Please perform the Prayer of Guidance up til 7 times in order to help you decide what to do. Observe how events unfold. If this young man takes the time and effort to better understand Islam, then insha Allah marriage to him would be good for your dunya and akhirah. If he does not work on his deen, then marriage to him may bring you both tremendous heartache and difficulty in dunya and akhirah. The choice is yours. May Allah grant you what is best for you in both worlds.
Please see:
Can I Marry a Non-Practising Muslim Man?
Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi‘i fiqh, Arabic, Sirah, Aqidah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajwid. She continues to study with her Teachers through Qibla Academy and SeekersHub Global. She also graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales.
