My Friend Is in Love With a Married Man. What Can She Do?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I know someone who loves a married man, who is highly interested in her too. Her conscience keeps calling her to repent, but he does not want to leave her. What should she do?
Answer: Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Advice
Abu Hurairah reported the Prophet, upon him be blessings and peace, as saying: “Every child of Adam has his share in adultery. He then narrated the rest of the tradition. This version goes “And the hands commit adultery, their adultery is grasping; and the legs commit adultery, their adultery is walking; and the mouth commits adultery—its adultery is kissing.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]
Dear sister, your friend is in a sinful pre-marital relationship. Please encourage her to end it. Appeal to her conscience, which is telling her to do what is pleasing to Allah.
It sounds like the man she is involved with is unhappy in his marriage, and is seeking emotional fulfillment elsewhere. This is a very toxic situation, and I pray that Allah grants her the means and the strength to remove herself from his influence.
If she is not careful, then this relationship could very easily fall into the realm of physical intimacy. She could be left to raise an illegitimate child on her own.
Please refer her to these resources:
Advice to Single Sisters Entangled with Married Men – Ustadha Hosai MojaddidiCheater’s Cascade
Marriage
When registration reopens on June 5th, please encourage your friend to enroll in this course: Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages.
I pray that this course will teach her the true spirit and law behind a successful Muslim marriage.
Your friend is not simply this man’s shameful secret. She is a Muslimah, and her well-being and dignity matter to Allah. She is better off being single, than being used like this.
Support
Please encourage her to seek out the help of an online Muslimah life coach. I pray that the right one will help to teach her how to empower herself.
Please see:
A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.
